Yesterday I posited that the Israel lobby is in decline because America has had it with one-sidedness, and Everyone and His Brother Is Sick of this S**t Churning up the World. Further evidence--brilliantly--from the Onion, which reports that the Middle East conflict has come to an end now that the Israelis have returned a borrowed lawnmower to the Palestinians after nearly 60 years:
The mower was originally lent to Chaim Weizmann, the first president of Israel, in November 1949 as a good-faith gesture by Palestinians seeking to reach out to the people who had appropriated 80 percent of their land [emphasis mine] and wished to cut the grass growing there.
"Now that Israel has finally returned this mower, we look forward to friendly relations between our two nations for all time," Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat said at the United Nations Monday.
Wonderful. Americans are coming to their senses. And note: no illusions about the unfair division of land.
I'm not sure yet what I think about their humorous reference to Rachel Corrie:
"The dispute also resulted in the 2003 death of an American pro-Palestinian activist who laid down in front of the lawn mower as an Israeli Army edger-trimmer squad cut disputed grass. Refusing to move when ordered, he was tragically mulched."
I don't find this amusing. I know, it's The Onion, but still, this seems in rather appallingly poor taste.
Hi Philip,
Here are some other articles from The Onion that you might enjoy:
CRAZED PALESTINIAN GUNMAN ANGERED BY STEREOTYPES
"As a crazed Palestinian gunman, I feel hurt by the negative portrayal of my people in the media," said al Hamad, 31, a Hebron-area terrorist maniac. "None of us should have to live with stereotyping and ignorance."
He then began screaming and firing into a busload of Israeli schoolchildren.
"It hurts that in this supposedly enlightened day and age, people still make assumptions about other people," al Hamad said. "We should not rely on simple generalizations. Each crazed Palestinian gunman is an individual."
Al Hamad said that he himself has often been unfairly stereotyped. "Any time I enter a crowded temple with fully loaded AK-47s in both hands, people just assume I'm going to open fire," he said. "That really hurts."
HAMAS CALLS FOR "GIANT SUMMIT" WITH ALL ISRAELIS
After his militant Islamic party took the majority in Palestine's recent elections, Ismail Haniyeh called for a "giant summit with all living Israelis" Monday, rekindling international hopes for peace in the war-torn region.
Haniyeh characterized the one-day summit as "the final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute," and invited every Jewish citizen of the world to attend. Haniyeh said he expects more than 5 million participants from Israel alone.
"It was foolish of us to think that a satisfactory resolution could be reached through small-scale aggression," Haniyeh said. "It will take more than the sporadic deaths of small groups of Israeli civilians to achieve our ends."
"Security is of the utmost importance, which is why the summit will be watched over by my most loyal and experienced men," Haniyeh said. "To this end, every Israeli will also be marked with a six-digit protection number."
Hamas has already gone to significant lengths to ensure that Israeli Jews will be able to attend the summit, including transportation via specially chartered freight trains.
Looks like the Onion has a one-sided blade on its lawn-mower on this issue, judging solely by the excerpts above.