Netanyahu partners with Jimmy Carter to bring ‘Habitat for Humanity’ to the West Bank

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today, April 1, his latest initiative to start a Habitat for Humanity branch in the West Bank. Invoking the humanitarian work done by former U.S. President, Jimmy Carter, Netanyahu expects his charitable venture will create tens of thousands of new homes for displaced and disadvantaged Jewish citizens.

“Without access to water to grow fertile crops, Palestinian farmland in the West Bank and Gaza is wasted,” said Netanyahu. “That uncultivated land can be used instead to build homes for Israel’s impoverished citizens. These gated communities sitting on hilltops will allow Israelis as well as Jewish Americans and European Jews a place to seek refuge in the only civilized and democratic country in the Middle East.”

The creation of new homes is a dire problem for the Israeli people who are confined to a mere 80% of the land and are subject to particularly harsh living conditions, such as overcrowded beaches, cell phones with weak 3G signal, and Palestinians for neighbors. At the same time, Palestinians have exclusive memberships to stylish camps with mid-war architecture (included Israel-provided sun-roofs) and breathtaking (sometimes literally) views of the great outdoors.  This has even inspired world-renowned street artist, Banksy, to use this landscape as a canvas for his artwork. Thanks to generous Israeli subsidies, nearly 1.8 million Palestinians can be enlightened and enriched in the comfort of their own neighborhood, spanning almost 1.4 square miles.

One of the first touchstones in Netanyahu’s initiative is demolition of the Separation Wall between Israel and the West Bank, which will be made obsolete once he fulfills his campaign promise to prevent the creation of a Palestinian state. “By expanding this housing project across the region, there can finally be a secure Jewish homeland, without the threat of Palestinians. The idea came to me in the shower,” said Netanyahu.

Following in the footsteps of many great revolutionaries such as Henry Kissinger and Barack Obama, Netanyahu is confident that this new undertaking will earn him a coveted spot as the next Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Netanyahu envisions his philanthropic project to be an exemplary safe-haven where all inhabitants can exercise their right to equally exist, as long as they’re Jewish and pledge unconditional allegiance to Israel.

“When asked by the UN whether this was just a rebranded attempt to continue to defy international law and exacerbate an existing humanitarian crisis, Minister Netanyahu pointed to Iran and said “hey, look over there!” before running out.