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NFL and AIPAC to team up to polish their brands together

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Call it a Hail Mary or a Passover miracle, or both, but two of the biggest brands in the country are hooking up in a joint p.r. effort to try and polish up their distressed images.

The National Football League and AIPAC, the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, announced on April 1 that they will be joining forces for a public relations campaign in print, outdoor, and television over the next year. Titled, “We did it all for you,” the campaign will focus on good things that Israel and football have brought to American homes, from drip irrigation to the cherry tomato to drones to Buffalo wings at a Superbowl party.

The campaign is designed to counter football’s increasingly waterlogged appeal as a sport that allegedly produces head injuries, crippling, dementia, shortened lives, violence against women and dark futures for countless children who are caught up by its appeal. Similarly, Israel is trying to fight back the growing perception its policies lead to head injuries, crippling, dementia, shortened lives, violence against women and dark futures for countless children, say p.r. experts.

The partnership is to expand in the summer months to include the Keystone Pipeline, high fructose corn syrup manufacturers, the fracking industry, unreformed Catholic priests and the fast food industry. The group will take on its reputation issues directly, forming a nonprofit called the Federation of Unpopular Causes, with a website that will demonstrate a silent majority of support: “Who gives to FUC?”

“We saw a real overlap of interests after the NFL was smeared by Chris Borland and we got bogged down in Gaza,” Howard Kohr, the executive director of AIPAC explained. “And we thought if we just work on this together we can get a lot more bang for our buck.”

In the first ad, Superbowl hero Tom Brady will throw a pass to a receiver who appears to be Julian Edelman, but when he takes off his helmet is revealed to be Alan Dershowitz, the famed attorney. Dershowitz says that all the claims that football is causing concussions and brain trauma in young people are trumped up by people on losing teams. In fact, other sports cause far more injuries than football; but football is being singled out by anti-Semites, Muslims, and mosers, a Yiddish word for traitors.

Brady says the same charges are made about Israel without basis, as Patriots owner Robert Kraft parachutes to midfield wearing an Israeli army uniform. The ad was shot in Jerusalem, at a football stadium donated to the country by Kraft.

A second ad will emphasize how many owners of major sports teams are Jewish men, and point out that Jewish men make better husbands and fathers than gentiles, and are more loving to their wives, and are obsessive about child safety and head injuries. Designed to counter stereotypes of Jews and football players, this ad will also feature Alan Dershowitz.

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8 Responses

  1. Karl Dubhe
    April 1, 2015, 11:33 am

    Who gives a ‘FUC’, really?

    Federation of Unpopular Causes… That’s almost as good as the Canadian Conservative Alliance Reform Party. CCRAP.

    Except the tories beat them, as they really did choose that name for their party, until the media printed the acronym on every front page in the country.

    • jsinton
      April 1, 2015, 1:22 pm

      You just can’t make this stuff up. What a scream. Never forget the “Comittee to Re-elect the President” for Mr. Nixon… CREEP.

  2. Mooser
    April 1, 2015, 11:43 am

    The entire Mondo issue is great today. It’s about time you guys buckled down and brought us some serious news.

    • amigo
      April 1, 2015, 1:45 pm

      “The entire Mondo issue is great today. It’s about time you guys buckled down and brought us some serious news. ” Mooser.

      So Fritz is sleeping peacefully .Every dog is entitled to his day.

  3. marc b.
    April 1, 2015, 4:43 pm

    bob kraft. yetch. what an effin’ DB. caught a bit of his testimony in the aaron hernandez murder trial today while I was in the car. ‘a big extended family’ was how he described his relationship with the players on the Patriots, a kiss and an embrace to seal each greeting. except he sends his mesomorphic family members off to collide, head-to-head at 25 MPH. his weepy public eulogy after jr. seau shot himself to death due to trauma induced dementia is a study in nuts. kraft then remembered seau for his ‘rousing pre-game speeches’ before the boys go off to combat. jeezus, talk about pathological hypocrisy.

  4. Robert D. Brooks
    April 2, 2015, 12:00 pm

    I am so pissed off at the NFL. How can the NFL possibly think this is a good PR move. I hope the Black players and others who identify with the Palestinian cause and are against apartheid raise their voices. And Tom Brady, what the fuck is going on? Say it aint true. Ahhh, shit, ya got me. April Fool am I.

  5. jon s
    April 2, 2015, 5:06 pm

    A happy and kosher Passover to all those who will be celebrating!

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