Category Archives: April 1
After winning the election by a landslide, President Donald J Trump has followed through with his vision to make America great again by tackling its biggest threats: Mexicans, Muslims and Mexican Muslims.
In a shocking move, Birthright Israel announced today, April 1, that the well known travel-program-cum-dating-service will no longer be offering trips to Israel for Jewish young people. In an exclusive interview with Mondoweiss Birthright CEO Gidi Mark explains, “We finally figured it out, the best way to build support for Israel is to have as little contact with Israel as possible.”
President Hillary Clinton, making good on her 2008 threat to “totally obliterate” Iran, celebrated her first week in office by ordering a nuclear strike on Iran’s capital city of Tehran. As a squadron of F-35s streaked through the sky toward the Mideast metropolis of over seven million, President Clinton outlined her foreign policy to a bevy of reporters at a White House press conference. “I’m not here to bake cookies, people,” the President announced.
Samih al-Masri, a Palestinian resident of a refugee camp in the Gaza Strip, has become suddenly aware of the substandard conditions in which he lives after logging on to Facebook, just as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has warned. Masri says, on account of the memes, he was reevaluating everything: “My family has loved Gaza ever since my my grandparents were driven here from Jaffa by Zionist forces in 1948. It’s the only home we know. But now that I realize not every place is enclosed by a fence, with only three highly restricted points of access, I’m pretty pissed off.”
Call it a Hail Mary or a Passover miracle, or both, but two of the biggest brands in the country are hooking up in a joint p.r. effort to try and polish up their distressed images. NFL and AIPAC will launch an ad campaign showing all the good things they do for Americans.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today, April 1, his latest initiative to start a Habitat for Humanity branch in the West Bank. Invoking the humanitarian work done by former U.S. President, Jimmy Carter, Netanyahu expects his charitable venture will create tens of thousands of new homes for displaced and disadvantaged Jewish citizens.
Real. American. Christian. Zionist. Values. — Meet the new Republikud Party. #merica
In a last ditch effort to block an impending nuclear deal between Western powers and Iran, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today, April 1, he will immediately begin an open-ended hunger strike against world peace.
Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu is apologizing for a pre-election video he posted on Facebook, which, his critics claimed, used fear-mongering and racism to encourage Israelis to vote for Likud. Two weeks later, the Prime Minister admits he made a mistake. “We had to put something together and, ultimately, we did a bad job. We made a video I’m not proud of.” Netanyahu added, “the lighting was grim. I look pale, pasty. I look fat. Really fat. The white balance was off. The Israeli people deserved better. They deserve higher definition.”
Mondoweiss talks with Rep. Steve Israel, the former head of the DCCC and one of the State of Israel’s staunchest allies on Capitol Hill about Netanyahu’s speech to Congress and how pissed exactly President Obama is with him for repeatedly stabbing him in the back.
Hillary Clinton has decided to run for president, according to a secret “eyes on the prize” memo obtained by Mondoweiss. The email to Clinton today from her longtime adviser Ann Lewis says the Clinton team will have a “wildly successful” campaign if it can stick to “the recipe from tried and true campaign plans” to meet a $1 billion fundraising goal. That “recipe” may surprise you, or not.