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April 1

Birthright ends trips to Israel — ‘American Jews are better off imagining Israel than seeing it’

Adam Horowitz on

In a shocking move, Birthright Israel announced today, April 1, that the well known travel-program-cum-dating-service will no longer be offering trips to Israel for Jewish young people. In an exclusive interview with Mondoweiss Birthright CEO Gidi Mark explains, “We finally figured it out, the best way to build support for Israel is to have as little contact with Israel as possible.”

NYT Public Editor: It is impossible to accurately cover Sheldon Adelson without employing anti-Semitic stereotypes 

Philip Weiss and Adam Horowitz on

The New York Times has decided that it cannot cover Sheldon Adelson’s involvement in American politics because doing so accurately would entail the use of classic anti-Semitic tropes of Jewish influence. The judgment was rendered by public editor Margaret Sullivan, who wrote in a April 1st goodbye note to readers: “We’d really like to cover the Republican candidates’ appeals for Adelson’s support, but we can’t do so because the reporting would inevitably bring up anti-Semitic stereotypes.”

First woman President nukes Iran

Susie Day on

President Hillary Clinton, making good on her 2008 threat to “totally obliterate” Iran, celebrated her first week in office by ordering a nuclear strike on Iran’s capital city of Tehran. As a squadron of F-35s streaked through the sky toward the Mideast metropolis of over seven million, President Clinton outlined her foreign policy to a bevy of reporters at a White House press conference. “I’m not here to bake cookies, people,” the President announced.

Refugee in Gaza thought life was terrific until Facebook incited him

Eamon Murphy on

Samih al-Masri, a Palestinian resident of a refugee camp in the Gaza Strip, has become suddenly aware of the substandard conditions in which he lives after logging on to Facebook, just as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has warned. Masri says, on account of the memes, he was reevaluating everything: “My family has loved Gaza ever since my my grandparents were driven here from Jaffa by Zionist forces in 1948. It’s the only home we know. But now that I realize not every place is enclosed by a fence, with only three highly restricted points of access, I’m pretty pissed off.”

NFL and AIPAC to team up to polish their brands together

Mondoweiss Editors on

Call it a Hail Mary or a Passover miracle, or both, but two of the biggest brands in the country are hooking up in a joint p.r. effort to try and polish up their distressed images. NFL and AIPAC will launch an ad campaign showing all the good things they do for Americans.

Netanyahu partners with Jimmy Carter to bring ‘Habitat for Humanity’ to the West Bank

Atheer Yacoub on

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today, April 1, his latest initiative to start a Habitat for Humanity branch in the West Bank. Invoking the humanitarian work done by former U.S. President, Jimmy Carter, Netanyahu expects his charitable venture will create tens of thousands of new homes for displaced and disadvantaged Jewish citizens.

Netanyahu to stage hunger strike against world peace

Adam Horowitz on

In a last ditch effort to block an impending nuclear deal between Western powers and Iran, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today, April 1, he will immediately begin an open-ended hunger strike against world peace.

Netanyahu apologizes for ‘Arabs are coming out in droves’ video, says it could have been even better

Katie Halper on

Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu is apologizing for a pre-election video he posted on Facebook, which, his critics claimed, used fear-mongering and racism to encourage Israelis to vote for Likud. Two weeks later, the Prime Minister admits he made a mistake. “We had to put something together and, ultimately, we did a bad job. We made a video I’m not proud of.” Netanyahu added, “the lighting was grim. I look pale, pasty. I look fat. Really fat. The white balance was off. The Israeli people deserved better. They deserve higher definition.”

Mondoweiss Exclusive: One on One with Rep. Steve Israel

Scott Roth on

Mondoweiss talks with Rep. Steve Israel, the former head of the DCCC and one of the State of Israel’s staunchest allies on Capitol Hill about Netanyahu’s speech to Congress and how pissed exactly President Obama is with him for repeatedly stabbing him in the back.

Leaked Clinton fundraising memo reveals presidential campaign strategy

Philip Weiss on

Hillary Clinton has decided to run for president, according to a secret “eyes on the prize” memo obtained by Mondoweiss. The email to Clinton today from her longtime adviser Ann Lewis says the Clinton team will have a “wildly successful” campaign if it can stick to “the recipe from tried and true campaign plans” to meet a $1 billion fundraising goal. That “recipe” may surprise you, or not.