Thank you Mark Ellis, for writing this. As I sit here feeling guilty for not wanting to go to synagogue today, your piece made me feel better about it and gave me language for what I haven’t been able to say. The guilt I feel is so old and strong that I wasn’t able to see that what I really miss at synagogue is the call to consciousness. I simply can’t sit with other Jews who are wearing their talit and kipahs, bending their knees in prayer, rocking back and forth as though to remain in denial.
Yes, a new way to usher in this holiday needs to emerge; one that I can’t even picture yet in my mind. Long gone are the days of sitting in shul with my family, feeling safe and secure as I watched all the adults don their talit, the white fabric looking as though it’s flying far above me.
I need to stop the prayers because they don’t make sense in the Gaza rubble.