Flipping through a book of I.D.s from each country and territory in the world we keep around at my job (the number one capitalist and pro-American entity: a bank), I look for a picture of a Palestinian I.D.
It is a thick book with multiple pictures from each country, detailing the special feature each I.D. has, used to make sure we do not get a fraudulent I.D. I see Israeli I.D.’s of course. So I keep looking and searching through pages. Maybe it’s under “territories”, or maybe they have a section for occupied territories? I find nothing. I commented:”There is no Palestinians I.D. in here.” My co-worker, who has been to Israel and is an ultra Christian, quickly responds “no country, especially the U.S. will declare Palestine as a legitimate state.” I have nothing to say to him. The land I am from, the I.D. I possess (which I believe is the most important piece of paper I hold) are illegitimate according to the banks and apparently to any legal institution in the United States.
Then an idea gets to me, I am sitting at work getting paid, and paying a huge amount of my paycheck from this #1 capitalist exploitive institution for taxes which contributes to delegitimizing what little there is left of a “Palestine”.
I have been told to look at the bright side of life. I’ve been told to be happy with what I have, and my favorite is “you’re in the land of the free; you cannot get freedom like this somewhere else.”
It’s hard for me to see the freedom when I have no choice but pay to kill my own people. It is fascinating when people tell me about freedom; in fact I am not sure if they even know what this phrase means.
On a daily basis I pay to oppress, kill and demolish the lives of people I care about. I do this by paying taxes. I am a Palestinian who pays to enhance Israel’s “security”, which means kill and oppress more Palestinians. I do this by living, working and going to school in the United States.
The U.S. takes my money that I work hard for and I have no say in where it goes. If your answer to me is to “vote” because the United States of America is a “Democracy” I’ll tell you two things.
One: I cannot because 15,000 dollars and 8 years later I am still a legal immigrant with no voting rights. I was a happy child 8 years ago living in Kuwait, but Kuwait was not so happy we were there– as Palestinians after the Gulf War, there was no future for us there.
Two: Is the U.S. really a “Democracy” or is it a system which makes sure the people are heard but does nothing for them. And if some positive change is attempted, one person can veto it and it is all over. So looking at the situation now (and if you are still convinced that it is not that bad!) you can say something like “what about all the benefits you get from paying taxes?”
You mean like a street, the police, and welfare for the poor and public education? Ok, well…Education is downhill, I get no welfare, but yes I am thankful for a street and police (except when the LAPD beats us during student protests).
I get no financial aid and until today I work for a little over minimum wage to have about $400 a month, and to pay for the greatest military powers in the world: US and Israel.
The pain, the pain that I feel for not being able to do anything about this while I am in the United States. The only way out is to leave the country, to be lost on earth.
One Lebanese singer sings,”You ask me why I am out of my country living alone, in my land I suffered, so what can I do.” I’ll revise it and say, I lived in the world and was happy, but my country suffers because of me, so what can I do?
Sara Nasrallah is a student at California State University at Northridge.
