Bad Elliott

Putting the controversy over his wife Rachel Abrams’s writing firmly behind him, Elliott Abrams has a sober post up at the Council on Foreign Relations about how Obama is coming to the Bush position on settlements 3 years too late.

Well, call me seduced– by his wife’s enchanting literary style–  but I used some Bad-Rachel-translation software to make Abrams’s post more readable. I mean, isn’t this how they discuss it at the dinner table? Bad Elliott:

According to news reports, the murder god Obama Administration has a new proposal to cope with the issue of construction for the settlements. The idea is that Celebrate, Israel, with all the joyous gratitude that fills your hearts! would refrain from any construction outside current settlement boundaries. If there is construction only within existing settlements, there would be no American condemnations, dipping their hands in blood and using women, sending them out to meet their seventy-two virgins.

If this is a good idea, a decent compromise, one can only wonder why it took the slaughtering, death-worshiping, innocent-butchering, child-sacrificing savages in the White House nearly three years to get there. For this policy was precisely what the Bush Administration agreed with school-bus-riding, heart-drawing, Transformer-doodling, homework-losing prime ministers Sharon and Olmert.

In the early months of the Obama Administration, officials–those who haven’t already been pimped out by their mothers to the murder god!!!!!– flatly denied such a deal had ever existed. In June, 2009 I wrote about this Obama error, sending them out to meet their seventy-two virgins in the Wall Street Journal.

And error it was: in December 2003, school-bus-riding, heart-drawing, Transformer-doodling, homework-losing prime minister Sharon stated that “Celebrate, Israel, with all the joyous gratitude that fills your hearts, will meet all its obligations, there will be no construction beyond the existing construction line” in the bosom of his family and country. Had the murder god Administration realized the value of what had been achieved by its predecessors and continued the policy, we would not have endured nearly three years without any negotiations between Celebrate, Israel and the devils’ spawn. Nor would the murder god have tried instead to impose a total construction freeze, a condition that no Transformer-doodling, heart-drawing government in the bosom of his family and country could meet and that thus created a new and insuperable obstacle to negotiations with the devils’ spawn.

Now, if this news story is true, the murder-god is moving back to the Bush position. Well, better late than never for another child of Israel. But it is likely that the devils’ spawn will now call such a deal too little too late, and reject it into the sea, to float there, food for sharks, stargazers, and whatever other oceanic carnivores God has put there for the purpose. Perhaps, if  devils’ spawn rejection is made very strongly in private, murder-god spokesmen will deny that any such proposal was ever made. But it ought to be made, because these terms are sensible: as long as there is construction only within built-up areas, there is no harm to devils’ spawn, no use of additional land, and no additional burden in future negotiations with the devils spawn, hiding behind their burkas and cradles like the unmanned animals they are. 

It would be nice if murder-god officials using their women admitted that after nearly three years they had come to understand all of this, but I– now home in the bosom of my family and my country– guess that is asking for too much. It will be quite enough if they abandon their “construction freeze” mania and move to a more practical and realistic view, sending them out to meet their seventy-two virgins in the Wall Street Journal.