Many computer users have been startled, some alarmed by the appearance, in recent years, of the jucheck.exe (pronounced jewcheck?) software begging to be installed on desktops, laptops and tablets. The executable file which is produced and distributed by Oracle is in fact a small program that automatically updates a computer’s Java software (ju is an acronym for java update). However, according to some websites, virus programs have been found masquerading as this little Jucheck program and these could cause damage to computer files.
The worries caused by Jucheck are widespread but mostly unfounded. According to Reid Wrighthead, a computer analyst at the Jerusalem based Machshev Research Institute, Jucheck is often confused with the notorious CHKJEW (pronounced checkjew), an old DOS program command which was popular in the early 90s. Running CHKJEW returned the number of Jews that had been surfing an early version of the Internet on a particular machine. The CHKJEW command was discontinued by Microsoft in 1994 due to the combined objections of a wide spectrum of religious and civil rights groups which charged that the command was discriminatory and illegal according to privacy laws.
Abe Foxman of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) states that he is a Holocaust survivor and a computer illiterate, thus it is obvious to him, that the existence of the Jucheck program implies an appearance if not the intent of anti-Semitic expression among a certain segment of the computing community. Foxman states that his organization has launched a multimillion dollar investigation into the phenomenon.
On the other end of the political spectrum, many Israel/Palestine activists believe that the Jucheck program is actually a trojan which was developed jointly by Israeli and American intelligence agencies for the purpose of monitoring those who are considered enemies of the Jewish State. The activists say that Jucheck can copy and transfer files from infected computers to a collection facility in Tel Aviv. Also, it is believed that Jucheck can use the infected computer’s microphone to record conversations of those in the immediate vicinity.
This writer has not been able to verify the validity of any of the claims against the Jucheck program.
any and all of the scenarios seem plausible
it’s not april 1st?
The worries caused by Jucheck are widespread but mostly unfounded. According to Reid Wrighthead, a computer analyst at the Jerusalem based Machshev Research Institute, Jucheck is often confused with the notorious CHKJEW (pronounced checkjew), an old DOS program command which was popular in the early 90s. Running CHKJEW returned the number of Jews that had been surfing an early version of the Internet on a particular machine.
huh?
“Running CHKJEW returned the number of Jews that had been surfing”
Including, of course, “Iceberg”, the coolest guy on the beach.
“Running CHKJEW returned the number of Jews that had been surfing”
Including, of course, “Iceberg”, the coolest guy on the beach.
funny. i hope you’re still using your special ‘ethnicity’ password when posting comments here. (although i think weiss uses the CHKJEW upgrade, FORSCIN, to track commenters)
EDIT.
oh. sorry TSU, i see that joke’s already been taken.
“oh. sorry TSU, i see that joke’s already been taken.”
By MAD Magazine, decades ago, in “A MAD Look at Surfing” but I’ve never forgotten it. It first mystified, then sustained and nourished me for over 40 years:
She: See him? He’s the coolest guy on the beach. He’s so cool the other surfers call him “Iceberg”!
He: Iceberg? Who ever heard of a Jewish surfer?
Now anyone reading this thread can experience the life-enhancing properties of this jest. And I’ve got today’s mitzvah crossed off my to-do list.
I bet I know the gang wot dunnit! They’re currently hiding out behind my tower; the Kaktus Kitts, disguises from Disney Central Casting, favorite uphill hike the Trouser Trail! Been around for four weeks now, have to get me some sheriffs to round ‘em up, then we’ll all be safe again.
I tried downloading jucheck.exe, but it was blocked by my new antivirus software, Foreskin Defender Pro.
Madness to install any software whose author you do not know. Madness. As we say in NYC, “Ju no wha I mean?”
“This writer has not been able to verify the validity of any of the claims against the Jucheck program.”
Then why is it here???
“Then why is it here???”
Whatever the reason, I’m sure it will be more palatable (and more moral) than your reasons for lying to protect the murderer of James Miller.
hoppy is deeply concerned about the content on MW. He is currently developing a blues/techno/dubstep/cos-play tribute band called Tears for Fears wherein he dresses up as an exploded carton of milk and screams into a mic about world-wide antisemitism for hours at a time.
Please donate. All proceeds are going to getting him a new set of retainers.
LOL! — I’d pay good $$$ (okay, maybe 2 shekels) to see the hop-frog in his “exploded carton of milk” (wtf?!) — but sounds kinda emo to me, tho.
Maybe in another 20 yrs he can open for the Chili PEPpers in TA!
hophmi wails into the ether Then why is it here???
Why for you dear boy, just for you. It is called a snare for the literal minded fanatic that is blind to satire or any form of humor short of slapstick.
>> Then why is it here???
Good point. Hypothetical issues should either be substantiated or avoided. It’s a shame that Zio-supremacists – who have no qualms about constantly raising the spectre of Iran’s unsubtantiated “nuclear weapons program” – don’t follow their own advice.
“…On the other end of the political spectrum, many Israel/Palestine activists believe that the Jucheck program is actually a trojan which was developed jointly by Israeli and American intelligence agencies for the purpose of monitoring those who are considered enemies of the Jewish State. The activists say that Jucheck can copy and transfer files from infected computers to a collection facility in Tel Aviv…
…and to cleverly disguise it, they labeled it Jucheck? Did I miss something here?
Good work Ira. It should also be obvious that PayPal is a conduit to Hamas. I hope Abe is looking into that.
WTF? I thought it was checking for Jackson University.
I believe Ira Glunt’s computer, infected by Jucheck, automatically sent this nonsense for publication in Mondoweiss.