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Top ten ways Muslim-Americans can do more

US Politics
on 23 Comments

Since the San Bernardino shootings the public sphere has been rife with demands that Muslims do more to combat extremism in their midst. There has never been an era in US history when actions were more needed than words.

It’s an inescapable reality that the Muslim-American community’s widely perceived collective guilt requires unprecedented strategies to confront radicalization. The country is no longer content with hearing armchair condemnations and apologies for coreligionists’ terrorist attacks.

The terrorism threat level is too urgent to afford the luxury of waiting for imams to issue fatwas for reforming Islam. Change begins at home first and foremost. Here are ten easy suggestions for Muslim-Americans. Muslim minorities in other countries, especially France, are advised to adopt similar measures.

  1. Denounce yourself and your family.
  2. Suspend Islamic prayers and Qur’an recitation for the duration of the war on terrorism (except to praise the creator for western civilization). Don’t practice Islam in the privacy of your home as that may disturb sensitive ears at the NSA.
  3. If you must fly, and if a fellow traveler stares at you with suspicion, immediately reassure them. Ask the TSA to subject you to a strip search and a cavity search on the spot. If the TSA officer insists that the security measures you’re requesting are unnecessary, politely demand to see a supervisor.
  4. As a gesture of interfaith outreach go for the pepperoni pizza at the next office party, especially if it’s Ramadan.
  5. Make it convenient for the authorities and the general public to identify you as a Muslim even if you wear a hijab or kufi. Take the initiative to create an online Muslim database and register yourself. Don’t wait until you’re required to chalk an “M” on your front door and wear a crescent at all times.
  6. When you’re properly identified as per #5, consider the sensitivities of any officers, reporters or angry mobs that may visit you someday. Discard prayer rugs, pictures of your immigrant parents and books in foreign languages (and any languages for that matter).
  7. In times of national crisis it is un-American to be opportunistic, especially with regard to the Constitution. Proactively waive your entitlement to the Bill of Rights. Censor yourself. Embrace unreasonable searches and seizures. Solicit cruel and unusual punishment.
  8. Spare the US government the hassle of ascertaining the Muslims among refugees from Syria and other countries. To prevent war victims from fleeing their lands in the first place, call for securing the Mediterranean’s eastern and southern borders with watchtowers and barbed wire. Be careful with this tactic as it may have the unintended consequence of obstructing the flow of democracy-delivering armies to the Middle East.
  9. Deport yourself even if you were born in the US. If you can’t afford it or fear flying, do #10.
  10. Check in to the nearest internment camp. As a patriot, don’t expect government to spend hardworking Americans’ dollars on building new camps. Surrender yourself at the same camps used to intern Japanese-Americans in WWII.

Those of you checking in to internment camps in drought-stricken California should opt for paperless internment registration in order to avoid killing American trees and wasting American water.

About Saja Raoof

Saja Raoof is a human rights activist based in Sacramento. She can be reached on Twitter @SajaRaoof.

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23 Responses

  1. Walker
    December 29, 2015, 4:31 pm

    This is extremely funny.

  2. gamal
    December 29, 2015, 4:36 pm

    “waiting for imams to issue fatwas for reforming Islam.”

    Saja the waiting is over

    https://youtu.be/9JKvJaJKPPk

  3. Citizen
    December 30, 2015, 4:24 am

    Imagine also a satire on the notion that Jewish Americans should speak up, speak out out against AIPAC’s hijacking of US foreign policy to the detriment of USA and world humanity?

  4. ivri
    December 30, 2015, 10:13 am

    Well, you forgot the most three important ones:
    Uphold Zionism as a sign of sympathy for the Holocaust refugees that through it managed to build a new home at a negligible land-sacrifice for the Arab world – in the best hospitality tradition of the latter.
    Make it clear that you consider the vast efforts and energy spent on antagonizing it a historical magnitude miscalculation on the side of the Arab world – allowing a non-important issue, with little real threat to the Arab world from it, turned into a major goal that resulted in calamitous consequences for its promoters and little tangible results on the round.
    Denounce pseudo-supporters of the anti-Israel campaign who by encouraging Arabs & Muslims to pursue it made them fall into a cynical trap that exposed them to charges of bigotry right when they were in a dire need for protection from it.

    • diasp0ra
      December 30, 2015, 10:52 am

      @Ivri

      “at a negligible land-sacrifice for the Arab world”

      Are you kidding me right now? You ethnically cleansed hundreds of thousands of people. How do you even attempt to whitewash that? That it’s a relatively small part of the Arab world?

      A non important issue?

      Tell me of a nation or a people who have not fought against foreign invasion and colonialism.

      Ivri, you have made these arguments before, they were dehumanizing and empty before as they are now.

      • zaid
        December 30, 2015, 12:32 pm

        A negligible land that houses some of Islam/Christianity most important religious and historic sites.

        A negligible land that Muslims fought 6 crusades to death to keep.

        A negligible land on a strategic position that separates the western part of the Muslim / Arab world with the eastern one

        A negligible land that had 1.3 million indigenous inhabitants , who most were ethniclly cleansed to make way prosecuted Europeans.

      • ivri
        December 30, 2015, 12:45 pm

        @diaspora
        OK, OK I get it – indeed I forgot another important tip:
        “Stop wasting time, yours and others`, with vacuous and tired slogans that nobody takes any more seriously”
        (You know very well that had the Arabs accept the partition plan there would have been no ”ethnic cleansing”)

      • Annie Robbins
        December 30, 2015, 2:12 pm

        You know very well that had the Arabs accept the partition plan there would have been no ”ethnic cleansing”

        oh please, don’t preface your hasbara w/”You know very well”

      • eljay
        December 30, 2015, 2:52 pm

        || ivri: … (You know very well that had the Arabs accept the partition plan there would have been no ”ethnic cleansing”) ||

        It’s highly unlikely that Zio-supremacist Jews – interested as they were (and remain) in a religion-supremacist “Jewish State” in as much as possible of Palestine – would have abstained from addressing the “demographic threat” of too many non-Jews in that supremacist “Jewish State” simply because “the Arabs” had accepted the Partition plan.

        I won’t ask you to provide any proof in support of your assertion, but I have no doubt that MaxNarr will be along any moment now to demand that you do.

      • ivri
        December 30, 2015, 3:40 pm

        #Annie
        Oh please, don`t define “inconvenient truth” as hasbara

      • Annie Robbins
        December 30, 2015, 5:27 pm

        why the quotemarks ivri? i made no mention of inconvenient truth nor did i define or reference it. quite the opposite indeed.

      • talknic
        December 30, 2015, 4:45 pm

        @ ivri “You know very well that had the Arabs accept the partition plan there would have been no ”ethnic cleansing””

        Interesting theory. So there was ethnic cleansing. OK glad we got that sorted . Now, can you explain how the non-acceptance of the Partition Plan by the Arabs made ethnic cleansing necessary?

      • diasp0ra
        December 30, 2015, 5:42 pm

        @Ivri

        No I really don’t.

        Plus you make it seem absurd and unreasonable that the Arabs refused the partition plan. Why should they have? Give me a reason why someone should divide their land for European immigrants who hadn’t been there longer than a few decades?

        Such entitlement.

      • MHughes976
        December 30, 2015, 5:44 pm

        The quote marks are indeed interesting. ‘If partition had not been accepted, what you call ethic cleansing would not have occurred’ – that may (or indeed may not) be true, but is just as plausible to substitute ‘if partition had not been demanded’ – then the questions would be: was the demand for partition so reasonable in all the circumstances that its refusal justified the so-called cleansing? Whatever we call it, this event involved the exclusion of a multitude from their homes, which is unjustifiable absolutely and a scandal, by whatever name we call it. The difference between a home and a prison is that you have the right to come and go, leave and return, without anyone’s permission.

      • MHughes976
        December 30, 2015, 5:57 pm

        To add that the demand for partition was unreasonable and the claim to enforce it by military means outrageous, as was any claim that an international committee had the right to authorise it. Refugees (not that all immigrants of the time were refugees) have a right to be protected but not a right to dismantle the sovereign power whose protection they seek and take over some of its territory. Imagine if the Syrian refugees claimed the right to turn Bavaria into Lesser Syria. Any international committee supervising a territory on a temporary basis has an obvious duty to care for the interests of the inhabitants at least as carefully as they would care for it themselves, since it is only their best interests that can justify the international intervention in the first place.

      • eljay
        December 30, 2015, 6:17 pm

        || talknic: … So there was ethnic cleansing. … Now, can you explain how the non-acceptance of the Partition Plan by the Arabs made ethnic cleansing necessary? ||

        Haven’t you heard? “Currently its [sic] not necessary.”

    • eljay
      December 30, 2015, 11:53 am

      || ivri: … Uphold Zionism as a sign of sympathy for the Holocaust refugees … ||

      In one short phrase:
      – you encourage people to uphold evil; and
      – you anti-Semitically use the Holocaust to justify your proposal.

      Impressive.

    • MHughes976
      December 30, 2015, 12:51 pm

      If the Martians suggested that they should take over the county of Berkshire, where I live, saying that it was less than 1% of the surface of Earth and a negligible sacrifice for Earthlings in general I would not agree. An act should be assessed by its impact on those affected, otherwise there is no role for sympathy (without which we are not really ethical beings) or for individual rights. It’s not as if stealing from one person is OK because a ten thousand others are untouched. Nakba justification rolls on, sometimes with a maddening touch of cynicism.

      • eljay
        December 30, 2015, 1:04 pm

        || MHughes976: … An act should be assessed by its impact on those affected … It’s not as if stealing from one person is OK because a ten thousand others are untouched. … ||

        Yup. Notice how you never hear Zio-supremacists suggesting that Germany needn’t make Holocaust reparations because the # of properties and lives lost is negligible in the overall scheme of real estate and the human race.

      • Mooser
        December 30, 2015, 1:07 pm

        “If the Martians suggested that they should take over the county of Berkshire, where I live

        They’d be very fortunate Martians if they got so much as a small cottage in Cornwall.

    • talknic
      December 30, 2015, 5:33 pm

      @ ivri

      “Uphold Zionism as a sign of sympathy for the Holocaust refugees…”

      Uh? In 1897, long before the Holocaust, the Zionist Federation began their colonization plan, giving Jews interest bearing loans on the condition they were to colonize Palestine. http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/8632-jewish-colonial-trust-the-judische-colonialbank

      “… that through it managed to build a new home at a negligible land-sacrifice for the Arab world – in the best hospitality tradition of the latter”

      If some sadistic jerks come over to your house, demand more than half your property while kicking your family out of it, then demand more and more, it will be a negligible sacrifice to you. What fun.

      “Make it clear that you consider the vast efforts and energy spent on antagonizing it a historical magnitude miscalculation on the side of the Arab world”

      The Arab world’s objections from the 1900’s have been on a legal basis. There are no UNSC resolutions condemning the actions of any Arab State against Israeli aggression. http://www.un.org/en/sc/documents/resolutions/

      The antagonism has come from the litany of Zionist lies to every official body formed to try to find a peaceful and equitable outcome to a problem the Zionist Federation caused with its ghastly blood soaked colonization scheme http://wp.me/pDB7k-Yx

      ” – allowing a non-important issue”

      Sure. Dispossession and ethnic cleansing are sooooooooooooooo non-important.

      “Denounce pseudo-supporters of the anti-Israel campaign who by encouraging Arabs & Muslims to pursue it made them fall into a cynical trap that exposed them to charges of bigotry right when they were in a dire need for protection from it”

      What a fine demonstration of how to do Ziostyle f*cked up and twisted drivel 101

    • RoHa
      December 30, 2015, 6:18 pm

      “at a negligible land-sacrifice for the Arab world”

      But not negligible for the people who lost their homes, their farms, and their businesses, who were driven out of their own country, and saw it taken over by foreigners, who saw their libraries destroyed, their villages and places of worship reduced to rubble, and who heard their rights, and their very existence, denied.

      ” in the best hospitality tradition of the latter”

      Hospitality is for guests, not for invaders and thieves.

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