From the category archives:

Marriage

My wife got a lesson

by Philip Weiss on March 6, 2010 · 15 comments

This holiday season was nudnik season around my house. My father, who is deadly, used the Yiddish word to skewer a certain friend; and as a result I came to understand the word "nudnik" in all its glory. Nudnik means a bore and a pest. Webster’s says the root is Russian for boredom. Or in Leo Rosten’s definition, "A nudnik is not just a nuisance; to merit the status of nudnik, a nuisance must be a most persistent, talkative, obnoxious, indomitable, and indefatigable nag. I regard nudnik as a peerless word for the characterization of a universal type."

At one point over the holidays, my wife said, "Nudnik is you." Because I am something of a chatterbox; and she doesn’t suffer fools.

A few days ago my wife said, chozzerai, meaning b.s., and today she called me a luftmensch.

I said, "How much Yiddish do you know?"

My wife said, "A little. Yiddish is the language of New York."

I asked her to explain and she told me a story. When she first moved to New York from Philadelphia nearly 30 years ago, she interviewed with the literary agent Charlotte Sheedy, who was looking to hire an assistant, and Sheedy, who is Jewish, said something about the UJA, and my wife, instead of doing the right thing and pretending that she understood, said, What’s the UJA? Sheedy didn’t like my wife, my wife says, regarding her as an arrogant WASP, and she gave her a curt lecture about, If you’re going to work in New York, then you have to know that kind of thing.

Needless to say, my wife didn’t get the job. But she did get the lesson. She and her two sisters have all worked closely with Jews, and all of them can throw around Yiddish words.

For me the lesson of the story is that in taking a place in the US establishment, we have shared our gifts and changed America and ourselves. You can’t go backwards into parochialism.

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toothbrush or underpants

by Philip Weiss on February 21, 2010 · 2 comments

When the internet came into our lives, strongly, about 15 years ago, my wife said something I often think about, maybe because it says something about marriage, too. Everyone was getting email accounts, and she said, "Is email like toothbrushes or underpants? Can a couple share them or not?" I don’t think that issue had been worked out yet, socially. Though she soon recognized the convention; it was like underpants.

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my wife and I have an intellectual disagreement about peasants

by Philip Weiss16 February 2010
100 comments

Let me not to Wieseltier’s fulsome toast of a power marriage admit impediments

by Philip Weiss11 February 2010

The flip side of Leon Wieseltier’s vicious-turgid attack on Andrew Sullivan is a toast he made to Samantha Power and Cass Sunstein– then-Harvard powerhouses, today Obama aides– when they got married in Ireland a year and a half ago. Wieseltier was so proud of the toast he sent it out by email to friends. As [...]

21 comments

status, radicalism, & happiness

by Philip Weiss6 February 2010

I grew up in a liberal Jewish academic community. Everyone was smart, everyone did well. My parents’ friends are in their late 70s/80s now and all have two houses and good lifestyles. Yet they regard themselves as Jewish outsiders– an understanding cemented by their youthful experience of anti-Semitism.
The other day I went to see a [...]

20 comments

My wife tells me a good friend of mine is anti-Semitic

by Philip Weiss2 February 2010

I drove my wife to the train this morning and caught her up on chit-chat. I said I had been talking with my friend A, who is Jewish, when he said, “Do you think that B"–a good non-Jewish friend of mine– "is an anti-Semite.” My wife broke in. “Totally.” I was surprised. "You think B [...]

50 comments

my wife and I agree on a social signal

by Philip Weiss26 January 2010

At 4 yesterday I went hiking in the rain and ran into a couple I know and invited them by our house for drinks at 6. My wife was grateful for the distraction from the winter blues; she got out peanuts and hummus and potato chips left over from the football marathon Sunday, and I [...]

5 comments

my wife might be falling out of love

by Philip Weiss21 January 2010

Over the last few months, as he pushed the Afghanistan war and let Netanyahu have his way with settlements, I’ve gotten a dubious look whenever Obama comes on the TV at dinner time. Then I look over at my wife and try and recruit her in my disfavor and she says, "I love him. I [...]

28 comments

Putting the anxiety back in Christmas

by Philip Weiss22 December 2009

We’re having an early Christmas dinner at my house. My wife’s family is coming over. The tree, which we got yesterday, is in the front door, and my wife asked me to hang lights on it today as she cleaned the house, getting ready.
I resisted a tree for years; my wife says those were the [...]

73 comments

Maybe intermarriage is good for the Jews

by Philip Weiss20 December 2009

This piece in the Forward saying that 58 percent of American Jews are now marrying out brightened my day; it occurred to me that I feel less guilty now about marrying out than I ever have, that I even feel a certain pride in marrying out: that I am part of a great moment in [...]

97 comments

courtship advice

by Philip Weiss6 December 2009

My wife and I started going out 20 years ago, and this morning I remembered advice she gave me when we were meeting each others’ folks, or maybe after the first awkward encounter. "You want to channel three people. Thomas Jefferson, Margaret Mead and Eddy Haskell." She explained, "Thomas Jefferson because he was diplomatic and [...]

10 comments

my wife and anti-anti-Semitism, a Thanksgiving story

by Philip Weiss30 November 2009

For Thanksgiving my wife and I went to my parents’ place outside Philadelphia. My wife is also from Philly, and on Friday night we went to Chestnut Hill to a relative of hers for post-Thanksgiving dinner. As we were getting ready to go, my father joked that he wasn’t invited "due to anti-semitism." My wife never [...]

21 comments

weird yoga moment

by Philip Weiss29 November 2009

My wife told me about something odd that happened in yoga today. The teacher had them standing on one foot with bent knee and the other leg crooked behind them and their arms going in different directions, also bent, and announced, "This is swastika pose." My wife was uncomfortable about it, especially because she was [...]

27 comments

I vow to be less dependent on my wife

by Philip Weiss20 November 2009

My wife and I were driving and talking yesterday when I said, "Of course I’m dependent on you." "You are," she said. "And you’re dependent on me." I waited for her assent to that statement. None was forthcoming.
I dealt with my embarrassment analytically at first. I said, "But in cultures around the world, who is [...]

46 comments