My wife and I were driving and talking yesterday when I said, "Of course I’m dependent on you." "You are," she said. "And you’re dependent on me." I waited for her assent to that statement. None was forthcoming.
I dealt with my embarrassment analytically at first. I said, "But in cultures around the world, who is more dependent?" "By and large men are more emotionally dependent than women," my wife said, throwing me a sop.
I felt funny about it the rest of the day. The truth of our relationship is, I’m more emotionally/psychically dependent than she is. I require her approval. This is hardly the first time I’ve acknowledged this truth. I’ve always thought there is a Jewish element to the issue. I’m from a matriarchal family. My mother is stronger emotionally than my father, closer to the ground. She holds his tether, keeps him from floating away, and she made the big decisions. I gravitated to my wife because she’s a strong woman. She’s made most of the big decisions. Oh–I made a couple of them, I moved us to this new house; but it involved a lot of dithering and angst. I’m not a very decisive person. A luftmensch, more: "people without any roots in the social structure of society, without any occupation, without any regular livelihood; hawkers, rag and bone men, people who made a living as match-makers…" (per Isaac Deutscher, The Russian Revolution and the Jewish Problem).
I want to regain independence in my marriage. How will I do that? I will try and be more self-contained, I will try not to cling to the gunwhales of her boat as I tread water in this mad sea.
Will it work? Can I change the pattern of two decades? I’ve changed before, I say to myself. Can I just use my own brain in life, and navigate on that basis? Really I’m not sure how I’ll do on my own.
My wife went away for the weekend yesterday afternoon. I effected the new regime by not calling her. Or not calling her a hundred times, as she puts it. But when she calls this morning, to get a friend’s phone number that she left behind, I announce, "You’re dependent." "I’m the most dependent person in the world," she purrs, lying.
I vow not to make any more announcements of my new independence. I will just be the thing, not say it. I won’t power-leak. That’s my wife’s word for talking about something rather than doing it. She explained this to me a long time ago.
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{ 46 comments }
Well, gosh, Phil, if you are going to rip the covers from the polite veneer of intermarriage, and give us a look deep down, sparing nothing, into the tortured souls of the marital participants, don’t let me stand in your way. But when dealing with emotions this raw, don’t you think a NSFW warning could have been provided?
But just in case anybody wonders, that is most definitely not the way things go here at Moosehall! No, here, Mooser rules! I wear the slippered pantaloons in this household, and none dare forget it.
In the spirit of marital veracity that Phil espouses, I do sort of have to admit that I’ve been treading just a little more carefully since I found out my wife shot her first husband. Sometimes discretion, or even outright terror, is the better part of valour.
And for the sake of our common humanity, if I stop posting for 48 hours, call the authourities!
I want to regain independence in my marriage. How will I do that? I will try and be more self-contained, I will try not to cling to the gunwhales of her boat as I tread water in this mad sea.
Christ on a crutch. A tip from a Gentile: No self-respecting iron-spined, stiff upper lip, Puritan woman wants to even think that such emotional flaccidity is part of her husband’s personality. If you haven’t already done so, do not, I repeat, do not, speak the words “gunwhales of her boat as I tread water” out loud. I don’t care if her great, great uncle captained the Pequod, the sentiment is just all wrong.
marc – you are absolutely correct on this…
i thought every man knew that women were the superior sex!!! ashley montagu was one of the first to talk about this as i recall…
the secret to a successful relationship for a man would be to begin with this awareness.. as marc points out, reminding them is not a good idea though, lol….
In the spirit of marital veracity that Phil espouses, I do sort of have to admit that I’ve been treading just a little more carefully since I found out my wife shot her first husband.
Nothing to fear, Mooser. As they say, “Two’s a charm.” Wait, or is it, “Three’s a charm”? Maybe, “Sleeping with one eye open” would be more useful.
I’ve been treading just a little more carefully since I found out my wife shot her first husband.
Mooser, honey pie, I have to admit this is funny. But I hardly consider it more than a running gag.
Then again, I wouldn’t find it difficult to imagine I would be 100% on your wife’s side considering the most diverse narratives.
In her defense, she did not as some cruel people have said, shoot him because he failed to get the can out to the curb in time on garbage pick-up day, she became so incensed when he claimed that the truck would come back again for it that she squeezed the trigger. He lived, but he limps.
Mooser where do I get those slippered pantaloons? Are they available online somewhere?
As you probably know, I got that pair from SJ Perelman. Which is not to imply in any way that I am casting Perelman before swine, so don’t think that, please!
Phil, great job with the Mondowiess blog. I’m sure it’s not easy, it’s a dispiriting and baffling thing, and not a whole lot in it for you except tsuris I would think. (Well, of course, unless, in a witty bit of journalistic malfeasance, the Gazans are paying you off!)
And your refusal to despair completely of the Zionists and America Jews is the right thing, the only thing, It’s a challenge, or should be, to them
Oh, and the slippered pantaloons? Hey, on me, they look good!
SOrry, sorry, but I have obligations, damn it!
Not to worry, there’s no pearls cast by you at all, Mooser. You think you know it all, as does Phil. That both of you are less so disposed than Richard Witty begs the question, who would want to be Richard Witty? Phil posits his wife as someone more objective than he, although he often sabotages that profile by implying she might not be as sensitive as he because she is a WASP. Mooser, you posit your wife as someone
who if you really anger her, she will shoot your nuts off with a shotgun. This of course
itself implies she is essentially an animal of rage, no higher being worthy of serious
consideration. You both imply constantly that your wives are inferior beings, Phil by overt flashy faint praise, and you, Mooser, by jocular dispensation of identity of your wife. This paradigm is not unfamiliar in pop USA culture. Curb Your Enthusiasm is Phil’s show; and Mooser, your show is The Beverly Hillbillies. Just look at the roles and dialogue of the women in those shows.
. “This of course
itself implies she is essentially an animal of rage, no higher being worthy of serious consideration”
Citizen
What can I say, Citizen, she’s ten years younger than me and a demon in the sack. And she can cook, and can and garden, and she’s also very funny. Listen pal, I had been around the block once or twice before I got married at 37. I knew just like mother makes when I saw it, and bunged my heart at her feet without delay, and she, thank God, didn’t spurn my offer of wedded abyss.
I’ll never forget the touching scene when I asked her father for her hand, over brandy and cigars in the billiards-room. “Bob”, I said ( You see, I called him that, “Bob”, because that was his name. When in Rome, do as the Gentiles do, I always say) “I offer your daughter the honest heart of a strong man with a weak heart, and I hope you can support us in our marriage” He seemed genuinely touched by my manly frankness and replied: “Look, Hymie, I don’t care if my daughter marries a Jew, but support you? You better get a job”
Ah, but all that was twenty blissful years ago. Well, actually, it was about a year and a half blissful, and then I found out about her first husband, and how he got in the way of the bullet she fired.
“Mooser, your show is The Beverly Hillbillies”
Keep giving me accolades like this and I may never leave, that show was a brilliant comment on post WW2 prosperity and suburban life.
Not to worry, there’s no pearls cast by you at all, Mooser.
You know citizen, it might profit you, if you are going to try something like this little pissant personal exegesis, to actually know what “begs the question” means, you know.
It does not mean the same thing as “begs for the question” at all.
Or perhaps you feel I’m mooting the point?
Bob and Hymie, eh? Why don’t you send this little skit to Family Guy?
Sure it was. I notice you don’t address the comparison of the female role
in the two shows I mentioned.
Talk about pissant; your comment is the perfect example.
Phil, I think I’d like your wife! We spouses-of-semites should form a support group…. but wait… we don’t need it!
What does this mean? An affirmation of what Walt & Mearsheimer reported?
My wife goes to one of those, combined with Bible Study, every Tuesday night, with the other ladies. Although I have no idea how they get any studying done in that noisy bar. I forget the name of the place but apparently it’s some kind of furniture auction house, too. She was talking on the phone about how much a Chippendale costs.
There’s a word for men like you in Hebrew, Phil, but knowing how much you hate that fake colonial language, I’ll stick to pussy. No wonder you hate Jewish men who actually have a pair.
How long have you been off the meds, then, OJ?
hang on to your orthodox views oj… keep em pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and don’t ever wake up to the emotional sissy you really are… just continue to project it outward…
James, the best one I ever heard was over at Glenn Greenwald’s blog. A ziocaine-addled nincompoop desribed the process of marrying a Jamaican girl, having her convert to Judaism and taking her to Israel as (ready for this?): “rolling my own”!
And I frickin quote, verbatim.
I would never try to convert my wife, I know what happens when she think she been lied to!
crazy mofos… i guess that is where the big cajons come in… is stupidity in direct proportion to the size of yer balls? lol…if so, oj is definitely in the running!
I’m just dying to know, HoJo, do you count yourself foremost among, or just one of those ,“Jewish men who actually have a pair”?
And do you “roll your own”, Hojo?
I’m not Jewish. I learned Hebrew, and deep respect for its speakers, in the US Navy when we did extended joint operations with Israel. I spent nearly 18 months, all told, in Haifa.
I was exagerrating, of course, but there’s a connection, of some kind, between Phil’s helplessness as a male and his disdain for the admittedly strident machismo of Israel. never twain shall meet.
Joint operations? I’m guessing it was nothing like the USS Liberty, then, huh? Way to support the team, there bucko.
I imagine the USS Liberty us the beginning and the end of your knowledge of the US Navy. Stick to reply buttons–you’ve mastered its use and you can sit back proudly with your accomplishment.
Nice of you to totally trivialize the murder of your fellow sailors in deference to your “allied” commanders in Tel Aviv. Way to show your commitment to your fellow Americans. Boy, do we ever need more loyal people like you in our armed forces. Isn’t it just a damn shame you’re out of the military, huh?
Well of course that’s not wha happened to the USS Liberty, but what matters to you are not the facts, just an opportunity to bash Jews. Still, your concern for those of us who serve our country is deeply touching! One thing they gotta say about Chaos, he loves his men and women in uniform.
Thats not what happened to the USS liberty?
I dare you to tell all those dead US service men that. I dare you to go find a survivor and tell him that Israel was not responsible for what happened.
Learn about it:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3319663041501647311&ei=3J0HS-3WKJjcqAOs6aTZDQ&q=USS+liberty&hl=en&client=firefox-a#
It’s probably not worth the effort, Mr. Bradley. OhioJoes makes it pretty clear whose ass he’s really watching out for — and it’s not anyone who’s in an American military uniform.
Yeah, OJ, how about that very brief Navy investigation, the one that took less time than one that would review you conduct, if you ,e.g., swabbed the decks dutifully for an hour back in the day? The USS Liberty incident is the only exception in USA history
to a full official Congress review and/or official naval review of such an incident.
It’s always a waste talking to people who’ve never served about this stuff.
Well, I served in the combat engineers, OJ, and I totally agree with Chaos and JB regarding the USS Liberty incident. For starters, OJ, since you were in the US Navy,
don’t you think the Navy’s investigation was… a tad brief?
OJ doesn’t care, that’s the point. He doesn’t care that his fellow comrades in arms were murdered. And this would be an example of the corrupting influence of Israel on the security of the United States.
OJ could care less that the USS Liberty incident was the only such Naval event in the history of the USA that did not produce an official US congress investigation to the nines, and/or ditto a US Navy investigation of the same stature.
Well look at that, Citizen! Ohio Joe just clean disappeared as soon as you mentioned that you had been in the service! And I thought he was gonna tell us all about the USS Liberty.
But I guess Zionism is the kind of Judaism that any Christian can understand. That’s why he likes Israel; so much. That is, if any of what he says is true, which I doubt. He sure took a fast powder, huh?
OJ’s shift is over for the day. They take turns, a Zionist tag team. Yesterday was carnas. Tomorrow we’ll probably see Mr Hate back, since Phil apparently refuses to ban him.
There, there, Joes, your poor, misunderstood thing.
I served, as did my father, and my uncles, and my grandfathers, and I learned many things in the military, for example:
1. Most of the so-called threats to Amercian security are a fiction, or at best exaggerated. This I learned in the intelligence unit I served in while stationed in Europe, where I found out that the ‘impenetrable’ Soviet armor was more like Swiss cheese, and Soviet air power was generations behind. If there was an arms race, the US would be in the Olympics, and the Soviets in the Special Olympics.
2. If you want a pat on the back or special consideration for your efforts and service, go back to kindergarten you f@cking simpleton.
3. My children will not serve if I have anything to say about it so long as traitors like you are running the show who are more concerned about Israel than their own country.
If you have such fond memories of your time in racist Israel, convert and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
My brother, my many uncles, etc also served–even some of my aunts way back when; I agree thy my child and my nieces and nephews will not serve if I have anything to say about it, and for the same reason (and in conjunction with the complex Ike warned us about).
I know a man who was in port in Naples when the incident happened, and he told me that there was plenty of anger towards the Israelis among U.S. servicemen.
Yeah, you know those servicemen, anti-semites all; it’s part of their nature and nurture; read official Jewish History by Jews if you have any doubt.
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