My wife knows I'm using her on this trip and she resents it. I wanted her to see the Middle East because she’s much more intuitive than I am. I wanted her eyes and ears because I'm clueless about people. I should never have admitted this to her.
She’s already held it over me several times, saying that she wanted a vacation and she’s being taken to an unhappy place for my selfish purposes. For twenty minutes in the cab ride she didn’t talk to me, angry about what she was getting in for. Then on the plane, going over our too big Mastercard bill for last month, she said, Well 2,000 of that was for your trip. Half of that’s yours, I said. No, this is your trip.
It’s been better in the day we’ve been in Jordan. She likes heat and Arab culture and hummus, and she enjoys the rites around Ramadan and seeing all the the different ways women wear hijab. In the hotel restaurant some guys were getting drunk (yes) and singing and she said, Do you think they’re going to dance? I shrugged but a minute later sure enough two of them were dancing, delicately holding one anothers’ hands in the air. They soon called over the waiter. My wife wanted me to dance too but I was too tired.
It’s kind of a boys’ club here, she said. And is that a bad thing? I ventured. She said, It’s just the way it is, in Syria and Morocco too. I don’t mind it. It’s never impacted me negatively. But that’s the culture. The women are all somewhere else. I pushed her and I could see her backing away at having her brain picked. I used to know a lot and now I know a lot less, she said elliptically, referring to when she studied anthropology and thought she understood a culture.
I woke up a couple hours ago and found these helpful statements on a political level, where I operate more than she does. This place is other, as Edward Said pointed out to us so long ago, and it sure is different. My culture’s not a boys’ club. Women have a different role, and I like that role. Big deal. All cultures are different. Then you think of what has been done to us in the west by ideologues: The idea that you could demonize one whole culture and one entire religion-- to what end? To justify killing them? It’s crazy.
And of course so much of it is about a real estate venture, all to justify an ongoing landgrab, by a superior culture.
At the hotel bar, before the dancing, we watched a report on the TV about American Islamophobia. There was a long piece on the church that plans to burn the Koran. And because my ears are sensitive I picked up the constant references on the TV, and in conversation, to Israel and Palestine. So many of the people we’ve met in just half a day are surely the children of refugees.
At the bar, my wife said she was disappointed in me for not speaking more Arabic. You really ought to be learning Arabic. I thought about all the mulitilingual people you meet here, I thought about my college professor Michael Walzer learning Hebrew in his 50s, burrowing down into his Jewishness, and developing political theories that justified his ethnocentrism. I realized my wife was right. It's a daunting challenge, but I’m already glad I brought her on my trip.
Like I said before, don’t forget to have fun!
Wow, Phil, thank you, I enjoyed your travel diary with it’s jet-lagged procession and poesy.
Say hello to all the children of refugees, if you get a chance to speak with them.
And of course you should be learning Arabic. Can one go around calling oneself a ‘real’ expert on the middle east without fair knowledge and ability to speak Arabic?
Nine times out of ten, probably not.
Didn’t I read somewhere that Phil has Lebanese roots?
Tom Friedman claims to speak Arabic, but look at his work.
Incidentally, I contend that as a tourist, one can hardly learn much about a culture/people/country to qualify as an expert. If first hand experience on the ground were sufficient, one would need to spend several years among a people to truly understand them. In addition, tourists are temporary visitors, they do not and cannot experience the daily struggles of a people or a demographic.
Having lived in several countries over the years I have realized two simple truths (1) To understand a culture, one needs to interact with it over a prolonged period of time. The Lonely Planet series, for example, contain far more information than the handbooks US soldiers receive prior to being sent to the Middle East for extended periods. Yet, they are told This is all you need to know about Them (2) Many people around the world tend to be cordial, welcoming and amicable to tourists, but once you live there, you soon start to see what lies beneath the surface; some of which can be positive, authentic and pleasantly surprising, while some can be negative and alienating. So, in that context, being a tourist is akin to getting a guided tour of the White House and later claiming to be an expert on the Obama administration.
“Tom Friedman claims to speak Arabic, but look at his work.”
Avi, that’s why I concluded with the ironic: “Nine times out of ten, probably not”.
Like yourself, I’ve spent years living in foreign countries/regions: the middle east, Europe and here in America. I’ve also been fortunate to have visited, as a long-term ‘tourist’ (ie renting apartments for several months at a time) down in several countries in South America. I can attest to all your observations regarding ‘getting to know the natives’.
Yeah it’s weird when you start to ‘see into’ the culture of a host foreign country, sudden and up close, noticing that the blemishes on the country’s skin are actually warts and not beauty spots.
Great report. Should be a life-changing trip for the both of you. Stay in touch often.
“At the hotel bar, before the dancing, we watched a report on the TV about American Islamophobia. There was a long piece on the church that plans to burn the Koran.”
I find the stories about the church burning the Koran (Quran?) interesting. Seems that it is an obscure 50 member church, yet, it is getting a lot of play. I suspect that this is agitprop to make it look like a grassroots fundamentalist Christian response, and to obscure the fact that this is part of a coordinated campaign by fundamentalist Zionists with substantial funding to incite Islamophobia throughout the land. I suspect that much of our Zionist-friendly media will go along with this.
Do you all remember Flemming Rose and the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad that got a lot of media play leading to Muslim riots and feeding the “clash of civilizations” theme? Is this the same thing, brought to you by the same people?
The burning of Qur’an is a disappointing provocation, clearly intended to incite a violent reaction. More disappointing is the almost inevitable fact that a violent reaction – replete with the usual, almost trite threats of death, annihilation, retaliation, Satan America, etc. – will occur.
The Qur’an – like the Bible or The Lord of the Rings – is just a book. (LOTR is by far the best of the three, but that’s another story.) It is not being censored. Gawd is not diminished because a few copies of hizz proclamations are set alight.
As long as the copies that are being burned have been acquired legitimately, the church has every right to burn them. It may be in bad taste, but it does not merit a violent reaction.
The problem, at that point, lies with a religion that values a book (hardcover or paperback) over its teachings.
ELJAY- I think you are missing my point that I am sensing an orchestrated effort in this Quran burning similar to the Cartoon provocations, all of which is designed to feed into the “clash of civilizations” meme and Islamophobia. I agree that making a big deal about burning a book is silly. I also think that making a big deal about burning a red, white, and blue piece of cloth is silly. Go to ground zero on 9/11 and burn an American flag and see what happens.
>> ELJAY- I think you are missing my point …
I did get the point, but thought I’d thrown in my two tangential cents on the issue. Sorry about that! :-)
>> Go to ground zero on 9/11 and burn an American flag and see what happens.
Yeah, I know that virulent nationalism isn’t any saner than virulent religion.
I don’t know. Even if someone insisted on my joining him/her on a trip to some god forsaken country or some obscure remote place on the planet, I wouldn’t hesitate to go. If I had the time, that is. It’s an adventure; you learn new things, see new things, talk to people, and above all have new experiences. Plus, different people tend to have different ideas about what constitutes a vacation. I’m not the type to lounge in the sun, for example.
Awesome story. Thanks!
Phil, your “some of the people here must be the children of refugees…” Well, duh. First of all, “children of refugees” are themselves refugees. And their children, and their children’s children. People don’t lose their claim to place, home, or nationality by being forced to be born away from them. Second, a majority of Jordanians are Palestinians– a majority of the people you meet are probably Palestinians. Talk to them. Ask them their family stories? Even if your Arabic is not so hot, for the majority of them their English is probably pretty good. Tell us much more about them.