Glenn Beck: Russo-Cuban AFL-CIO Islamist Israelis occupying Tel Aviv?

Glenn Beck, the great priapic hope of Christian Zionist fundamentalism, has barely been in Israel for 48 hours — and he’s already solved the problem of Israel’s creeping Islamosocialism.

Islamo-what?!?

You know, the tent protests.

Beck arrived in Israel on Sunday morning to begin preparing for his big Pillar of Fire pep-rally on August 24th. A lesser pundit would no doubt use this time to take in some sites or idly eat hummus while drifting on the Dead Sea and waiting to be bungeed up to heaven on the wings of the Messiah. But Beck’s a man of action, a truth-teller, and by Monday, he and his lackey sidekicks, Steve Burguiere (aka Stu) and Pat Gray, had successfully sniffed out and exposed their first conspiracy, the dark, twisted, hard-left-socialist-radical motives of Tel Aviv’s Rothschild Boulevard protesters.

How did they know?

The Google, of course.

Burguiere (reading from his laptop): They’re obviously from the hard left, and they have a list of demands.

Beck: What makes you say that?

Burguiere: Because I’ve read their list of demands.

Beck: What are their list of demands?

Burguiere: Number one, increase personal tax brackets for top earners.

Beck: Oh, so hate the rich.

Burguiere: Enshrine the right to housing in the law!

Beck: There you go, that’s a good idea. That worked out well for the Soviets.

[Snip]

Beck: It’s all grassroots . . . It’s got to be . . . Why even look to see if left-wing global financing is involved there?

The Rothschild Conspiracy doesn’t end there either. Reading carefully from their dog-eared copies of The Protocols of the Elders of the Soros Foundation, Beck and co. manage to not only compare the Israeli protesters in Tel Aviv to the Soviets, (presumably the “progressive puppet master” George Soros is behind it all), the Cubans and the AFL-CIO, but also “the Islamists”:


Beck: Do not look to see if there’s any kind of Islamist movement that is joining them.

Burgiere: That’s not possible. The Left and Islamic extremists hate each other. They hate each other!

Beck: They hate each other! Socialists and Islamicists never get together!

Except for when they did during the Cold War, remarks Beck (he was being sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell)! Yes, apparently, Nasser, Ghaddafi and Arafat, among other Cold War Arab leaders he does not allude to, are all Islamicists (he also throws in the infamous “Nazi Mufti” Haj Amin el-Husseini, the Nazis being National Socialist after all). At least he didn’t play the Utoya card again . . .

Thankfully, Beck & Friends have just the antidote to all this radical Islamo-leftist co-conspiring: more settlements!

Glenn Beck: You know what thing about Israel is? There’s no land! There’s no undeveloped land there. At all!

Burguiere: That would be a way to lower rents, wouldn’t it if you increased development . . . ?

Beck: Just develop! But wouldn’t that be weird, especially in Judea [pronounced "JEW-dea," according to Beck] and Samaria?

Jew-dea, Islamists, AFL, rent control, the “Nazi Mufti” — who else besides Glenn Beck could knit them all together? And yet, Beck may wish to take a break from his devil’s game of blaming everything on “the international Islamocommunist conspiracy” to actually read the instructions for a real devil’s game he so conveniently ignores.

About Paul Mutter

Paul Mutter is a contributor to Mondoweiss, Foreign Policy in Focus and the Arabist.
Posted in Israel Lobby, Israel/Palestine, Settlers/Colonists, US Politics

{ 36 comments... read them below or add one }

  1. Dan Crowther says:

    This guy is the best thing that ever happened to BDS.

    What I really find funny are the white christian zealots from fly-over country in the US making fun of things like public housing, as if they never heard of the Homestead Act. Yup, thats right, alot those American “conservatives” in the Midwest and West are the great-grandchildren of people who got their land for……..free.

    • Paul Mutter says:

      A lot of colleges, too, come from similar legislation, which was passed by – yes – Abe Lincoln! link to en.wikipedia.org

      But everyone knows that colleges are part of the Left-wing global financing conspiracy.

      • marc b. says:

        another ‘free marketeer’ is m.bachman, who opposes federal funding of just about everything but the military, and yet who has been feeding at the public teet for her most of her adult life; she has worked for the IRS and as a member of congress; her husband’s counseling business has received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal and state monies for employee training; she and her husband have been paid by the state for foster children taken into their home, classified as a ‘treatment facility’. none of this strikes that dimwit as the least bit contradictory.

    • CigarGod says:

      Yep.
      He does a great mad scientist routine. Looks like he is throwing everything into mixing bowl on his Israel trip.

  2. seafoid says:

    Beck’s spiel may work with dumb Americans but to Israelis who know that there is enough money in the country to allow them a decent standard of living , he has no chance. Socialism isn’t a dirty word in the land of the kibbutz.

  3. marc b. says:

    nuckin’ futs. for all my criticism of israel, i suspect that unlike americans, the vast majority of israelis, i.e. all of them, will quickly diagnoses beck’s chronic idiocy. and i love the tourettes-like response to any movement that does not express its blind obedience to the wisdom of the ‘free market’ and its innate ability to solve any and all social problems. we are repeatedly told that the current incarnation of capitalism is a hot-house for innovation and creative thinking, and yet everything is reduced to a choice between the ‘free market’ or Stalinism. now that’s imagination.

    • Paul Mutter says:

      I didn’t put it in the post, but in the video he also compares the demonstrators to Cuban communists and American labor unions.

    • MRW says:

      Marc b.,

      This could get really interesting really fast. I hope Beck rachets it up by the time he makes his big speech, and the Israelis react. We couldn’t write this script. I wish there was some way to send Beck verbal support, because this is one guy I want wound up like a top running around Israel spouting his special brand of nuttery.

    • thetumta says:

      “Stalin-ism”. Well why not? What we’re doing obviously isn’t working. I have it on good advice from my Icelandic, Former East German, currently Kenyan, Stalinist friends that hard men need to step up from time to time. Could they be right? I think they’re might be a few in Gaza, but so far none here?
      Hej!

    • RoHa says:

      “a choice between the ‘free market’ or Stalinism.”

      I’d like that choice. We haven’t got Stalinism here, but when I go to the market the stuff I want certainly isn’t free.

  4. tombishop says:

    Christian Zionists do no want peace in the Middle East. They support Zionism and the settlers because they believe their conversion to Christianity will bring about the Rapture. When Jews don’t accept this the Christian Zionists will resort to their underlying anti-Semitism. Glenn Beck is the latest manifestation of this trend along with linking his animus to accusations of socialism.

  5. MY COMMENT: Israel is so fortunate to have Glenn Beck as its messianic-complexed, self-anointed “savior”!
    Hopefully he will come down with a really bad bout of ‘Jerusalem syndrome’ and never return to the U.S.

    FROM WIKIPEDIA:

    (excerpts) The Jerusalem syndrome is a group of mental phenomena involving the presence of either religiously themed obsessive ideas, delusions or other psychosis-like experiences that are triggered by a visit to the city of Jerusalem…
    Type I – Jerusalem syndrome imposed on a previous psychotic illness.
    This refers to individuals already diagnosed as having a psychotic illness before their visit to Jerusalem. They have typically gone to the city because of the influence of religious ideas, often with a goal or mission in mind that they believe needs to be completed on arrival or during their stay. For example, an affected person may believe himself to be an important historical religious figure or may be influenced by important religious ideas or concepts (such as causing the coming of the Messiah or the second coming of Christ)…

    SOURCE – link to en.wikipedia.org

    P.S. I wonder if Beck is showing any signs of stigmata yet.

  6. RE: “Beck and co. manage to not only compare the Israeli protesters in Tel Aviv to the Soviets…” – Mutter

    MY COMMENT: Or as Glenn Beck’s narcissistic-messianic-complexed fellow traveler Anders Behring Breivik would put it, the Israeli protesters in Tel Aviv are adherents of “Cultural Marxism”!
    Six 0f one, half a dozen of the other.

    Cultural Marxism – link to en.wikipedia.org
    Surrender: Appeasing Islam, Sacrificing Freedomlink to nytimes.com

  7. Paul Mutter says:

    The protests in Israel will all be explained in Glenn Beck’s forthcoming book, “The Protocols of the Elders of the Soros Foundation.” Although, rather than paying $27.95 for the hardcopy, you can just download a free copy of “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” off of the internet and replace every reference to “Jew” with either “the Left,” “colored people” or “Muslims” since that’s basically what Beck does every day on his show.

    And this is *not* a satirical stretch. A few days ago he called several hundred thousand Israelis Left-wing subversives, said that they were working with terrorists, and argued that they whole protest movement is being funded by an international conspiracy of Left-wing financiers.

    Hello, Protocols!

    People like Beck don’t believe in anything but the sound of their own voice and their fawning fans, so the only thing keeping him from blaming the Jews for everything like his fellow American Father Charles Coughlin did are his 21st century American listeners’ pro-Israel preferences. I wonder how Beck would have done by the Jews if he had been a 1930s radio celebrity/political pundit like Father Coughlin was.

  8. radii says:

    Beck is the most shameless and transparent practitioner of the Deaver/Atwater/Ailes/Gingrich/Rove school of negative-association, code words and strategic-repetition … it is an astoundingly simple formula and has worked to elect Republicans on “wedge” issues for over 40 years in America … “liberal” “Socialist” “alternative lifestyle” “2nd Amendment rights” “values voters” etc., but the israeli populace will not tolerate his buffoonery for a second (only in as much as he remains a useful tool) and laugh him out of the country before too long … Beck’s shtick if for US domestic consumption, pure and simple

  9. annie says:

    i’m wondering if beck will totally implode between now and aug 24th. i didn’t realize his trip was so long. eee gads.

  10. tombishop says:

    From “Talk to Action”
    “Christian Zionist Agenda Exposed by NAR Apostle Don Finto at Rick Perry Event, and Few Noticed” at

    link to bit.ly

  11. POA says:

    Bachman, Beck, Palin, Limbaugh, Huckabee, Perry……..

    Send in the clowns. It is surreal that such leaders and mouthpieces have captured the support and the ears of so many americans.

    We are in REALLY deep shit.

    • RoHa says:

      I’ve been saying for quite a few years now that you should give up this pretence of being able to run your own affairs and revert to your previous status under the Crown.

      You can probably make a deal about the back taxes.

    • Citizen says:

      POA, yes, the surreal has become real in US politics. But, Obama will still win the contest because he supports Wall St, big banks, military-industrial complex and endless war in fact, and his base constituency is the entire Nanny state constituency plus all governmental workers. Repubs cannot beat that combo, especially if you also toss in identity politics and fact nobody running from either party is not a dejure or de facto Israel Firster, except Ron Paul.

      • POA says:

        Oh, my list easily could have included Rachel Maddow, Pelosi, Frank, Reid, Mathews, etc. Same O, same O.

        But I gotta admit, at least the left’s set of whores don’t sell themselves by claiming God is writing their campaign speeches. Centuries of grief, chaos, and bloodshed, and us damned fools known as homo sapiens haven’t yet figured out the cost of religious fanaticism and bigotry.

        Probably one of the most terrifying aspects of our time is that such a huge segment of the American public doesn’t run screaming from the religious batshit crazies like Perry or Bachman. The only thing different from them, and the religious wackos of yesteryear is that today’s religious nutjobs have nukes with which to smack down the ungodly and unconverted heathens.

        • Citizen says:

          POA, I agree with your responsive comment.

        • marc b. says:

          POA, i don’t disagree that the level of support that the likes of Perry and Bachman receive is frightening. I would disagree that it is necessarily a ‘religious’ phenomenon. spirituality of some sort will always be part of human psychology, and the void left in the wake of the consumer culture steamroller is going to be filled with something. if there was a clear, equitable set of shared civic values that would be preferable to the delusional nonsense espoused by Hagee et al, but then the powers that be are more interested in atomizing society than drawing people together.

        • POA says:

          What I have seen from Perry and Bachman is every bit as religiously scary as the crap Hagee espouses. Perry has even claimed he’ll solve some of our problems by prayer.

          Which begs the question; Is he gonna tap the good graces of the same God Israel taps when they dump white phosphorous on the heads of women and children? I hope not, because the God these wackjobs pray to belongs to the wrong social club.

          What happens when God whispers “Use the nukes” in one of these nutjob’s ear?

        • POA says:

          Michelle Bachman: ” I feel Like I have a sense from God on which direction I am supposed to go”

        • CigarGod says:

          Whew!
          Wouldn’t you think God would make sure…you were sure he was talking to you?
          Not much of a God if he can’t get his message delivered clearly.

  12. Paul Mutter says:

    I just want everyone to know that Glenn Beck says our willful ignorance over the truth about the Islamo-communist alliance will result in our collective beheading by them one day:

    link to mediamatters.org

    Can’t say we weren’t warned.

    • Citizen says:

      Tell Beck some here can escape to Israel, not him though (or me or you).

    • marc b. says:

      he is going to suffer a mccarthy-like, drug or alcohol-induced decompensation in the near future. that is my prediction. you can hear it in his voice. or maybe it’s just wishful thinking. sometimes it’s hard separate my razor keen predictive powers from my fantasy life. as for the scimitar of islamo-socialism falling on the heads of non-believers, i assume that members of the SW American islamo-socialist assassins collective will want to start with beck given the critical role he plays in defense of Western Civilization.