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Advice to North Carolina

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According to the New York Times, the recent passage of North Carolina’s anti-LGBTQ law has jeopardized the flow of billions of dollars in federal aid.  Now there’s even worse news: Springsteen is canceling his Greensboro concert because the state denies “human rights of all of our citizens.” According to the Boss, a meaningful expression of “solidarity” with the “freedom fighters” who struggle for universal equality is “more important than a rock show.”

No doubt many North Carolinians are having second thoughts about openly discriminating against the gay and trans communities.  There probably is growing sentiment for repeal.  If Tar Heels are hoping to save themselves from financial ruin and a dreary, Bruce-less existence, this thinking is entirely wrong-headed.

My advice to North Carolina:  Instead of reversing course, you should double-down, or perhaps hundred-fold or thousand-fold down.  Enact even far more discriminatory legislation.

For example, while the politically-correct crowd in Washington has made gay marriage legal, you still can prohibit same-sex couples from living within your borders if one spouse is not an authentic Tar Heel.

Make it official state policy to strongly favor straight people in housing, education, employment, and every other public sphere.

Openly declare yourself a “heterosexual state.”  Even change your flag to something representative of your values – a “straight” line perhaps?

We’re not finished yet.  Invade South Carolina.  Formally annex major parts of the state, declaring them to be an eternal and indivisible part of North Carolina. Move your citizens to the South in the hundreds of thousands to reclaim their historical rights.

Rule over the non-annexed areas as well, but preserve the fiction that your conquest is not complete and permanent.  Treat any South Carolinian who dares to resist the NC National Guard as a “terrorist” subject to summary execution.

Demolish the family homes of all declared South Carolina “terrorists.”

Teach southerners the futility of resistance by occasionally destroying entire residential communities, but always express shock that there were civilian residents residing in their residences and blame the “terrorists” for making you reluctantly act.

Have your politicians refer to such mass killings as mere “mowing the lawn.”

I know what you’re thinking.  I can hear you saying:  “Where’s the logic in this?  We dip our toes into discriminatory waters and are threatened with drowning, but you tell us to dive in head first and we’ll be rewarded with billions in aid and an E Street visit.”

My answer: don’t worry about “logic.”  It’s an overrated and utterly useless notion.  Just trust me.  This will work.  Your billions will continue to flow, courtesy of the overwhelming bipartisan sentiment of a fawning Congress.  And best of all, you’ll be treated to a most meaningful rendition of “Born in the USA”!

About David Samel

David Samel is an attorney in New York City.

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17 Responses

  1. amigo
    April 10, 2016, 12:12 pm

    Instruct your medics to refuse to treat a Gay person —oh hell , why not just shoot them.You can always claim the LGBT terrorist had a suicide vest full of books extolling the virtues of “anti heterosexualism” and was reaching in to take one out and start reading it out loud.

  2. just
    April 10, 2016, 12:13 pm

    “…According to the Boss, a meaningful expression of “solidarity” with the “freedom fighters” who struggle for universal equality is “more important than a rock show. …”

    You bet!

    Advice to Bruce Springsteen:

    Don’t play TA. They execute “freedom fighters”.

  3. Shmuel
    April 10, 2016, 1:14 pm

    I’m sure his home state (New Jersy?) will soon pass appropriate legislation, making it illegal for him not to play Greensboro — say something prohibiting “engaging in actions that are politically motivated and are intended to penalize, inflict economic harm on, or otherwise limit commercial relations with the State of North Carolina or companies based in the State of North Carolina or in territories controlled by the State of North Carolina.

    Other states will surely follow suit, and Le Boss had better watch his step on any future French tours. They really hate boycotts there, and Caroline de Nord is always in their hearts.

  4. ritzl
    April 10, 2016, 1:49 pm

    Great piece, DS.

    Electronic Intifada had a similarly satiric post by Salaita.

    I was genuinely shocked by how many people didn’t get it. I think that that shows the danger of the plausible resonance of Israeli propaganda.

    Given the ubiquitous-ness of that propaganda, people seem to accept the logic rather than laugh at it. I think that’s the larger point of all this. Your article here and Salaita’s sharply counter the acceptability of the Israeli logic environment we seem to find ourselves within.

    Well done. Thanks. And at the risk if being repetitive, double thanks because you all have shown just how total the buy-in is to manipulative, fake Israeli logic posed as normal thought processes.

  5. hophmi
    April 10, 2016, 2:00 pm

    Predictable. A great parody of Iran’s approach to international relations.

    • amigo
      April 10, 2016, 3:27 pm

      “Predictable. A great parody of Iran’s approach to international relations”hhoppy

      Predictable —more of hoppy,s whataboutery. (lookoverthere ).

      Actually , hoppy, it,s a bad analogy.Iran just made a deal with the US/Russia/EU and others and gave up their Nuclear weapons capability.

      Israel refuses to sit down with anyone and make a deal and any they have made , they reneged on by refusing to honour their commitments.One could hardly refer to that as a constructive approach , (unless you mean building more illegal squats ) to international relations as evidenced by Israel,s ever increasing isolation around the world.

      • Mooser
        April 10, 2016, 7:28 pm

        “Iran just made a deal with the US/Russia/EU and others and gave up their Nuclear weapons capability.”

        Compared to Israel’s nuclear policy, it’s a freakin’ beacon..

  6. amigo
    April 10, 2016, 2:12 pm

    My advice to North Carolina —-a 1SS.

    In the event of a civil war , I am sure Israel will supply both sides with all the High Tech war machines necessary to prolong the conflict.If The Congress/ Senate complains , then The KOTJ can drop by and bring them into line.Can,t have congress or the senate interfering with the affairs of a “Sovereign ” nation.

    No sirrreee.

  7. Marnie
    April 11, 2016, 12:59 am

    “Van Zandt was interested in writing a song about South Africa’s Sun City casino resort, to make parallels with the plight of Native Americans. Danny Schechter, a journalist who was then working with ABC News’ 20/20, suggested turning the song into a different kind of “We Are the World”, or as Schechter explains, “a song about change not charity, freedom not famine.”[1]

    As Van Zandt was writing it, Schechter suggested that he include the names of the artists who had played Sun City in defiance of a United Nations-sanctioned cultural boycott. “I was probably still thinking of 20/20’s exposé of conservative Africanists 15 years earlier,” says Schechter. References to specific performers who had played in Sun City appeared in the demo but were omitted from the final version of the song.[2][3]

    Musically speaking, the song combines elements of hip-hop (which was beginning to achieve mainstream popularity at the time), R&B, and hard rock. The main hook is multiple successive artists singing “I, I, I, I, I, I”, followed by all the artists together singing “ain’t gonna play Sun City!”

    When Van Zandt was finished writing “Sun City”, he, Baker and Schechter spent the next several months searching for artists to participate in recording it. Van Zandt initially declined to invite Bruce Springsteen, not wanting to take advantage of their friendship, but Schechter had no problem asking himself; Springsteen accepted the invitation. Van Zandt also had reservations about inviting legendary jazz musician Miles Davis, whom Schechter also contacted; with minimal persuasion, Davis also accepted. Eventually, Van Zandt, Baker and Schechter would gather a wide array of artists, including Kool DJ Herc, Grandmaster Melle Mel, The Fat Boys, Rubén Blades, Bob Dylan, Herbie Hancock, Ringo Starr and his son Zak Starkey, Lou Reed, Run DMC, Peter Gabriel, David Ruffin, Eddie Kendricks, Darlene Love, Bobby Womack, Afrika Bambaataa, Kurtis Blow, Jackson Browne and then-girlfriend Daryl Hannah, U2, George Clinton, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood, Peter Wolf, Bonnie Raitt, Hall & Oates, Jimmy Cliff, Big Youth, Michael Monroe, Peter Garrett, Ron Carter, Ray Barretto, Gil-Scott Heron, Nona Hendryx, Pete Townshend, Pat Benatar, Clarence Clemons and Joey Ramone.” wikipedia – Sun City song

    “The Boss” and the writer of “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll”, “The Death of Emmett Till” and “Hurricane” could protest Sun City, but give a free pass to the ‘White City’ and have no trouble entertaining the zionist throng. If they’re too polarized by I/P, they could refuse to play based on the actions of israel wrt African asylum seekers aka ‘infiltrators’ aka ‘the Sudanese are a cancer in our body’.

    There are over a million people who could use some distraction, some entertainment, something to smile about alot more than the spoiled racists that would see you inTel Aviv Bruce. It might be hard finding a venue that hasn’t been partially destroyed by the IOF in 2014, 2012, 2010, 2008 (you see where this is going, right?), but they’ll find somewhere for you to play. Hey Bruce! Have you ever played on water? The israelis have allowed Palestinians to fish off Gaza up to 6 nautical miles (instead of the 20 the UN allows) – howzabout a floating stage? No. The occupation navy will get to hear it too and there’s nothing right about that at all. PLEASE DON’T PLAY SUN CITY/WHITE CITY = TEL AVIV.

    • mariapalestina
      April 11, 2016, 12:30 pm

      The old rumors about Bruce Springsteen performing in Apartheid Israel have resurfaced. That’s all they are. To my knowledge The Boss has never publicly acknowledged or commented on these announcements which continue to come from Israeli Zionist sources. I’m confident he will never perform in the Jewish state.

      • Marnie
        April 11, 2016, 1:28 pm

        Thanks – I hope that’s right. It’s too hard to picture.

  8. CigarGod
    April 11, 2016, 11:31 am

    What a beautiful brain you have, David Samel

  9. Brewer
    April 11, 2016, 4:03 pm

    Bruce’s July 2016 tour schedule from

    Sun, Jul 3 San Siro Stadium Milan, ITALY
    Tue, Jul 5 San Siro Stadium Milan, ITALY
    Sat, Jul 9 TW Classic Werchter, BELGIUM
    Mon, Jul 11 Accorhotels Arena Paris, FRANCE
    Wed, Jul 13 Accorhotels Arena Paris, FRANCE
    Sat, Jul 16 Circus Maximus Rome, ITALY
    Wed, Jul 20 Casa Arena Horsens, DENMARK
    Sat, Jul 23 Ullevi Stadium Gothenburg, SWEDEN

  10. Brewer
    April 11, 2016, 4:17 pm

    Grammy award winning singer-songwriter and producer Barry Manilow announced on Wendesday that he is planning to perform in Israel in June of 2016.

    Alice Cooper to perform in Tel Aviv, Israel. June 16, 2016

    Wiz Khalifa to perform in Tel Aviv, Israel. June 25, 2016

    The Searchers in Haifa and Tel Aviv, Israel. August 19-20, 2016

    They’re welcome.

    • Kay24
      April 11, 2016, 6:25 pm

      Sometimes you see so many shekels that it is easy to forget an occupation, land grabs, illegal settlements children being thrown in jail, and thousands of civilians dying by US donated weapons. Besides, you kiss up to the zionists and you can magically open doors in the US.

  11. Qualtrough
    April 12, 2016, 2:12 am

    Here’ s my far simpler advice to North Carolina: Point out the sheer hypocrisy of Springsteen canceling events in NC on the basis that your state denies human rights while he continues to hold concerts in Israel.

  12. iResistDe4iAm
    April 14, 2016, 12:05 am

    3 new tour dates added (none in Israel so far)

    26 Jul 2016 Trondheim, Norway
    28 Jul 2016 Oslo, Norway
    31 Jul 2016 Zurich, Switzerland

    Meanwhile 2 more concerts are cancelled:

    Bryan Adams cancels Mississippi tour date in protest over anti-LGBT law

    Ringo Starr cancels North Carolina concert in protest over anti-LGBT law

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