Lying in my bed after applying to one-hundred-thousand jobs on social media, I was looking leisurely at the ceiling of my room and recreating shapes from the cracks that were quite clear after decades of building. Besides me, an old blonde Barbie that I got as a gift from my teacher when I was a little kid praised me for my excellence.
I used to attend painting exhibitions and look at the masterpieces. Painting is one of the most mesmerizing arts that I am obsessed with. I believe in its power of healing fragile souls as it is a pure translation of our feelings and emotions.
I dream about being an artist like the remarkable figures through history, including Leonardo da Vinci, Picasso, Vincent Van Gogh, and many others. Mona Lisa, Guernica, and Starry Night are among my favorite paintings.
Unemployment is a nightmare for all graduates. In Gaza, the situation is more challenging. For me, I got frustrated. I could barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. Literary, it was a nightmare.
Studying so hard at university and being so ambitious and studious, I never imagined myself one day without work. Yet after graduation, I had spent most of the time doing nothing but feeling sorry about myself.
I searched a lot for jobs. I tried to volunteer at institutions to get experience. But all my efforts were in vain. The number of graduates every year is increasing rapidly and the employment percentage.
Faintly, I mumbled to myself, “Never can I accept such a spectacular failure anymore.” Then, there’s silence for a minute. I decided in that moment to follow my passions. I searched on Google about the art movements, painting styles, colors, boards, and brushes.
I got visual feedback. Happily, I became more enthusiastic about the idea, as I felt that a heavy burden of thinking about jobs would be removed from my shoulders.
The next day, I went to the library, where I belong. Fetched with my questions, an artist there told me where to start and what to do as a beginner in the world of painting.
I started sketching with charcoal and pencils. Some people laughed at my sketches. I didn’t pay great attention to what people said; I moved my hands on the paper and manipulated colors that were enough for me. Slowly, I became a little bit of an artist.
I tried to imitate Picasso’s paintings. Picasso is clever, and his paintings left me always astonished. They hold an ambiguous meaning beyond the actual reality and usual thinking. That is what makes them extraordinary, from my point of view.
I tried to imitate one of the most mesmerizing paintings of Picasso. Mine looks like his in some aspects, yet it is not typically similar. The main motive of painting is to entertain me and feel harmony and connection with the world of painting by trying to think that I can paint Picasso pieces. Unlike Picasso, I used Faber-Castell watercolor pencils. My painting is lighter-colored. Moreover, the shape of the face and the eyes in my painting is thinner.
In one of the stages of my journey in painting, I loved the art of mandalas. Mandala, the word itself, means in Sanskrit “circle.” It is a group of symbols designed in geometric configuration. It is a symbol of rebirth, protection, and repetitiveness. All around the world, each civilization has created shapes that are closely similar to the mandala, whether they are religious or cultural symbols.
I painted an elephant and an owl using a mandala with ballpoint pens. The elephant is a famous animal that lives in tropical regions in Asia and Africa. I love those areas. And I love the wildlife. The elephant is that kind of animal that looks peaceful unless he feels a danger threatening it. His thick trunk, long floppy ears, and sharp tusks are phenomenal.
I see the owl as a source of beauty, elegant and unique beauty. According to various myths and legends, the owl is sometimes cheerful, and sometimes considered a source of love, wisdom, and femininity. Sometimes it is referred to as a symbol of death and pessimism.
The eyes of the owl as a creature tell a lot; it talks to you in one way or another. I can’t stop watching the owl’s eyes whenever I see it. Some friends told me once that I shouldn’t be gazing in the eyes of the owl. However, I pretended that I didn’t listen to them.
Owls rarely exist in Gaza. I saw only two owls in my life. I first saw an owl in the seventh grade, I was just a kid. It was on the edge of the roof of the house we were living in.
Moreover, as a Palestinian girl, I felt that it was my duty to develop my knowledge of embroidery. The idea of embroidery is exquisite to me. I searched for each city’s style of embroidery in Palestine.
I bought the delicate fabrics and threads. I started creating cross stitches. I remember the first time I learned embroidery. My grandma -may her soul rest in peace- must be credited with my success in mastering embroidery.
Following my passion was late. But, it’s better late than nothing. Unemployment is like a disease that spreads in society, especially in Gaza. However, looking for the positive side of the story, I followed my passions.
Painting is my hobby. Whenever I feel exhausted and bored, I prepare myself, take a deep breath, and start painting. It becomes a lifestyle. I always search for the best colors, boards, and brush brands.
My nieces and my nephews are the ones who keep encouraging me. They love watching me while painting, and they keep saying, “How much you’re talented, aunt!” They also hope to have the same talent when they grow up. I sometimes allow them to paint with me.
I always buy a gift for them when they pass an exam with an A– colors, clay, spray paints, and sketchbooks. We play together and enjoy our time. They feel glad that they can share and participate. When they paint an excellent piece at their home, they tell their moms to send it to me via WhatsApp so that I can leave a comment for them.
The still water was moved. I was able to solve the problem and do something beneficial. Yet, I can’t determine how many graduates spend their time in such circumstances.
I do admit; I was so thrilled and satisfied doing such stuff. I was trying to overcome a serious problem. I was not as talented as the remarkable figures, but I have tried.
