I drove my wife to the train this morning and caught her up on chit-chat. I said I had been talking with my friend A, who is Jewish, when he said, “Do you think that B"–a good non-Jewish friend of mine– "is an anti-Semite.” My wife broke in. “Totally.” I was surprised. "You think B is an anti-Semite?" She nodded. I said, “Well, I told A that B’s mother was an anti-Semite, I heard the stuff she said. But not B.”
My wife shook her head. "Yes he is." I said, “What is your evidence? When has he said anything?” My wife said, “It comes out of his pores.” I was really thrown. I said, “You think he’s an anti-Semite?” She said, “If you’re going to ask a stupid question three times, I’m going to give you the same answer, Yes.”
My wife is different from me in how she collects information. She gleans things from the air. And though she gets many facts wrong, directions, names, dates, titles, when it comes to human character, I decided early on, “She’s always right.”
As we came down to the train, I pressed her for more information. After all, she’s from the same social tribe as B. She said, “Everything about him. He’s from another era, and he actually prefers that era.” Well then what about D? I said, mentioning another friend. She said, “Do we really have to do this? It’s too early in the morning.”
My wife’s staying with a friend in the city tonight, and I’ve been disturbed by the conversation ever since. I was raised with a hairtrigger for evidence of anti-Semitism. It came with my tribe. My friend A is that type; he notices these things all the time. I threw a lot of that training out. Maybe too much of it? It bothers me that my wife, a non-Jew, would be more sensitive to this than me. Also, it bothers me that I’ve been close to someone who may dislike me on a racial basis.
But at another level, I confess I don’t care all that much. B has no power over me, not over my work or travels, just a little over my social world. And his tribe has been displaced. They lost their privilege, willingly or not, they suffered a giant comedown in the establishment in the last generation. Jews are all over the turrets of the establishment now. I guess he is resentful. I’m surprised more gentiles don’t express this feeling. It’s true he’s made ironical comments now and then. I don’t care.
I think about when I will see him next. How I will cnduct myself around him. I won’t bait him. But I will watch closely. He sometimes brings up Jews. I will listen but not bait him. No that would be beneath me.
“. . . his tribe has been displaced. They lost their privilege, willingly or not . . .?”
No one gives up their power willingly. The WASPS were routed by people with higher scores, greater ambition and more chutzpah.
Why would he be hanging with you if he was anti-Semitic? Strange!
What makes him anti-Semitic? Perhaps he’s like that dentist on Seinfeld who enjoyed telling jokes and when he realized he couldn’t tell “Jewish jokes” without being cast as an anti-Semite, he converted to Judaism, just so that he could tell them.
As an aside, I think jokes revolving around race, ethnicity, gender or any other attribute are lame and childish, including so-called “blond jokes”. The same goes for self-deprecating jokes involving one’s own ethnicity, race or nationality. I really dislike those.
RE: (1) It bothers me that my wife, a non-Jew, would be more sensitive to this than me. (2) Also, it bothers me that I’ve been close to someone who may dislike me on a racial basis. -Weiss
MY COMMENT: It “bothers” (lol) me that you are bothered by either 1 or 2. As to 1, your wife is not necessarily “more sensitive”. Since her background is similar to his, it would not be surprising if she can more easily “read” him (thereby requiring less sensitivity on her part). As to 2, it might well be to your credit that you can be close to someone who may dislike you on a racial (ethnic) basis. That can be seen as a positive attribute on your part.
Of course, others may see things differently. I make no claim to any special expertise in such matters.
P.S. Phil: You’re not “going all Woody Allen on us”, are you?
Helen: “For God’s sake, Gerry. I asked you a simple question; there is no need for you to become Woody Allen.”
“Sliding Doors” (1998) – link to imdb.com
He’s resentful. Here’s your clue, Phil: ”He’s from another era, and he actually prefers that era.” I’m assuming it’s that particular country-clubby era where Jews were just expected not to apply. Then it would also be a distinctly American east coast country-clubby era, looked down upon by British aristocracy — the real WASPs — as trying too hard and something to laugh at, snicker about, on country weekends. The upper crust Brits got over it in the sense that they did a magnificent job of covering it up as soon as Disraeli became PM.
“I’m surprised more gentiles don’t express this feeling.” Why? Maybe they will if we’re led by the Ziocrazies into a possible WWIII should the planned attack on Iran in Nov 2010 comes true. Then, you can count on the gloves coming off.
And just for the record, American WASPs are a completely different animal than Canadian, Australian, British, Irish, Scottish, South African, and Welsh WASPs.
MRW, how so are they different?
Seham,
It’s waaaay too complicated to explain. The Brits, for example, would never give the Australian any equality in their minds because Australia was formed with former British criminals; hence, they are all descendants of those criminals. And the Brits until WWI perceived any English-speaking non-British land as a colony; some of the old aristocrats still do think that of Canada: mere colonists, former servants. The Brits find American WASPs laughable for distinguishing people based on their monetary worth, although it was outright envy on the part of the Brits, and therefore they say the only thing of worth is breeding, which the Americans dont have because the country is just 225 years old. It was extraordinarily fashionable at uppercrust British dinner parties to come up with the barbs to knock the Americans as late as the mid-90s. A British aristocrat expects those who are past 50 to develop an idiosyncracy, a real one, to make you interesting to have around at parties and at the weekend, as they say. Their American brethren would shun, or cluck, for the same reason, and for that lack of generosity, the Brit aristocracy despise American pretensions. [This is related to the social generosity of Queen Victoria who developed the whole idea of noblesse oblige.]
I could go on for pages, but suffice it to say that it’s all nationalistic and based on history and what not. I know these people intimately. I was raised in their schools. I know the signals and the code. The American WASPs are by far the least interesting of the group, parochial even.
It bothers me that you still think of yourself as a tribal.
Haven’t we moved past that?
I believe Phil uses the term in a more abstract sense.
Sammy, I was going to say the same thing, but refrained at the last minute.
If Jews in Canada and the US still see themselves as an exclusive tribe, one that is constantly persecuted and oppressed, then it’s going to inevitable lead to a collective inferiority complex.
Sammy, I agree. As much as I respect Phil for all his good work here, I’m always a little surprised to see how primal and omnipresent his Jewishness conscienceness is.
Let it go by. Don’t fixate on it. You won’t be able to communicate with many if you wonder about this, that, and the other thing.
Relationships are in the present. If someone wants to live in the past, that is their bad choice.
The one thing that you might be criticized for is fixation on your Jewishness. My neighborhood Chabad rabbi was asked by a friend when visiting my home a couple days ago. “I don’t believe in God, and I don’t believe in Torah, and I don’t believe that it is very important to be Jewish”. ”
Well, you come to Torah study and Jewish events week after week, so something about it must be important to you. So long as you are not actively encouraging evil actions in the world, and you are thinking about G-d and your community, you are more engaged than the individual that just goes through the day blindly. G-d has reasons for everything. Who am I to know better?”
Witty: “Relationships are in the present. If someone wants to live in the past, that is their bad choice.”
When will you let the “Holocaust” go. You need to live in the present. Resentments are in the past and fear in the future.
I’d lay off him here, because this was one of the few Witty posts that I liked.
The same goes for self-deprecating jokes involving one’s own ethnicity, race or nationality. I really dislike those.
Why? It’s always good not to take yourself too seriously.
I love the one that goes:
“How does an Argentinian commit suicide?”
“How?”
“Climbs atop his ego and jumps off. And what does he die from?”
“What?”
“Boredom!”
Am I a self-hating Argentinian?
It’s not about self-hate. It’s more about perpetuating racism.
What I mean to say is that it always reminds me of the subjective use of the N word where only black people are “allowed” to use it. So, even when I hear black people use it among themselves, I still find it offensive.
Now, self-deprecating jokes about one’s self as a person, as an individual, I actually do subscribe to those.
Fabulous, The Hasbara Buster. ;-)
I’ve been thinking about moving to Buenos Aires, but wondering about the economy there. I didn’t know they joke like that. Love it.
It seems a bit hard on B to treat him with a degree of suspicion, watchfulness or wariness if he has never given any specific sign of hostility, prejudice or unfairness. In general one should not be reserved or wary of people just because they let you see what manner of person they are or from what origin they come, unless there is some specific moral problem about their way of life or their manner of expressing themselves to which you can point. Being openly oneself is normally a good thing and a sign of trust.
Reservation and wariness can be catching.
Agree. My brother says: Accept people for what they reveal themselves to be.
Pingback: New John Varvatos Accessory Bag | Accessories Beauty Wisdom
Does anyone have a friend or family member who is not a bit off in some way or another? It’s a person’s actions that are most important. What have they done to become your friend in the first instance, and how brittle or enduring is the friendship? I have some friends who are more engaging, funny, intelligent than others, but I also believe that some of those entertaining friendships are pretty superficial. (I have deeply flawed friends and family members, who also happen to be some of the most giving, reliable of mates. And I have friends and family members who make the most racist of comments jokingly, but everything that I observe about them tells me that they respond to individuals, regardless of race, on the basis of conduct, not innate characterstics.)
Be subtle, Phil. The next time you see this friend, ask him if he would shelter you if the next local variant of the Nazis were coming to put you on a cattle car out of Manhattan.
That’s true, marb b. I know an old guy who refers to blacks as ‘niggers’ but God help you if you insult one or treat him racially in his presence. He hikes up his pants and pulls the skin off the offender verbally in a way that takes your breath away. You’re transfixed watching it. He’ll even do it in a supermarket.
And I have an older relative who refers to all Jews as hebes, the new Jewish magazine notwithstanding. Everyone recoils, but I know he’s part of this older group of retired Jewish men who meet for lunch everyday. He’s the only non-Jew in a group of about eight or nine guys.
“It comes out of his pores.”
Does he sweat a lot?
I’ve noticed at the gym that some people sweat more than others while doing the same thing.
Interesting post, Phil.
I find it intriguing that with the rise of Jewish power, and the displacement of WASP dominance, that the “hair-trigger” sensitivity of anti-Semitism is still forefront in the Jewish consciousness. When Phil’s wife says of B, “He’s from another era,” so too, it would seem the primal fear of anti-Semitism. With the rise of Jewish influence on American culture, politics and media, anti-Semitism seems like an antiquated canard.
The more the term gets thrown about by Foxman and Desrhowitz to push their agendas, for example, or is used against conscientious and courageous men like Goldstone and Finkelstein, or is used as the nuclear option against any criticism of Israel or Zionism, the more amorphous, ridiculous and manipulative it becomes.
Your post was missing one key ingredient: upon which basis did Phil’s wife have evidence that B is anti-Semitic. “He prefers a different era,” doesn’t cut it, and it has the awful ring of McCarthyism.
So Phil is brave enough to face down the Zionists and their supporters, but a little bit of social anti-Semitism gets him all famischt, all verklempt.
Gosh, Phil, how do you suppose Afro-Americans get along, with an awful lot of people, whom they must deal with, having doubts about their very humanity? Buck up, Phil, we’ll never keep Israel going if you’re that easily… wait a minute, now I’m getting mixed up!
Phil, think of it this way: Look, budya, we’re Jews. We have already disappointed G-d so badly He has possibly washed His Hands of us. He has gone from stopping the sun in its tracks (so the Israelites would tan evenly, if my Scripture Knowledge serves) to allowing the Holocaust. After that, does it really matter if a paskudnik like that doesn’t like you?
Phil, you’re a Jew! It’s never been, and is not now, an easy lot! Try and keep a stiff upper nose, damnit!
Heavy is the crown.
My 2 cents – if your wife can’t specifically say why she believes what she believes and give examples, I would say that’s just gossip and actually unfounded gossip – potentially very destructive stuff. Just because it relates to possible anti-semitism doesn’t change what it is – unfounded gossip and basically character assassination (albeit fairly private character assassination).
More generally, I submit that the US is a free country and so long as the law of the land is not anti-semitic or anti-black or etc, individual citizens of the US have every right to have whatever opinion they want to have – they can be sanctioned socially and can possibly run afoul of equal opportunity laws or the like, but they do have the right to be racist, anti-semitic, tea-baggers, 9/11 truthers, etc. It’s a free country – men fought and died for that. Marketplace of ideas, etc.
Gee, JS, I agree with your philosophy; you are aware of ethnic identity politics, right? I take it you don’t like them? You agree they are pervasive? Or not?
Ethnic identity politics – I am a simple minded man, but if I understand that idea you mean getting people to vote/act/talk a certain way as a means to defend ‘us’ from ‘them’ – and basing ‘us’ on ethnicity/race/religion?
Sure its pervasive – it’s stupid and counterproductive and probably can’t stand up to more that a few minutes of thoughtful critique – but that doesn’t mean its not popular. Hell I spent 30 minutes trying to understand why my hockey teammate supports the bailout of finance and all I got was – ‘we avoided a depression’, no supporting detail, nothing, nada – and the man is a CPA and Attorney. Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot (just saw that today here and love it).
It’s fun watching the wheels go ’round – but I have kids so I have to jump in sometimes and try to fix GLARING, OBVIOUS, HUGELY EXPENSIVE, problems based on misunderstandings and a lack of moral fibre/character.
end of rant
JS, I empathize with you. The bailout of Wall Street is like the bailout of Israel.
Nobody with any power is trying to fix the basic problem. This means, it will just happen again. Our leaders have not learned from history, whether fiscal, economical, or political (foreign affairs).
the other day someone demanded more ‘sensitivity…’
Jews really need to be more sensitive to the dilemma of us antisemites — we weren’t born that way; we admired Jews for most of our live, didn’t think about it, make a calculation, “this is what God wants me to do,” “this is what a good person does,” “it is wrong to dislike Jews,” … none of that; just liked Jews because the people we knew who were Jewish were good people. Prejudice works in reverse, too: you know one good Jew, every Jew is a good person, therefore Jews are good people.
Here’s how this antisemite got into the particular predicament he/she finds itself:
~the first salvo was in the immediate aftermath of the World Trade center destruction: within days, Israel claimed it a their tragedy; “now you see in just one incident what we go through all the time.” Whikey Tango Foxtrot? This is America’s tragedy; what does it have to do with Israel?
~Attempting to answer that question, (and being addicted to C Span), could not fail to observe a disproportionate representation of a group called neocons; that they were pretty belligerent; that people like Robert Lieber, Gary Ackerman, Lantos, Robert Kagan, DAnielle Pletka, Danny Ayalon, Michael Oren had no trouble insulting Americans and insisting on the superiority of Israel and Israeli policies. That most of these people were of Russian/East European origin. Lieber was/is a particular thorn in the side: “US and Israel have a special relationship because Americans and Israelis share values…” Caller: “No, not necessarily.” Lieber: “You don’t know what you are talking about; yes they do share values; polls say Americans prefer Israel over Palestine.”
Scratching head.
What is going on here?
..
…..
………
The story has many, many chapters, involving individual experiences, research, observations involving Jews, Israel, and study of the literature on antisemitism. The lady at the next table in the Greek restaurant who was the first one I heard say, “Is [Bob Casey] good for the Jews?” The article in the Jewish Daily News that reported that Casey had been taken to Israel and, tho the loss of Santorum was significant, Casey would probably be good for the Jews.
The two Jewish ladies in the coffee shop who explained Israel’s animus toward Iran: “Unfortunately, Iran is setting on real estate that someone else wants.”
That it? It’s okay to decide you want someone else’s country, then just go and take it???
UJF launched an all out campaign to demonize Iran, in the ugliest terms, with a LOT of money behind the effort.
I have no power or wealth to push back against that, even tho I know without a doubt that the words are lies and the effort is vicious.
Why is UJF doing this? Is this how ALL Jews think?
Becoming an antisemite is like loosing your innocence: it takes awhile to regain your bearings, to be able to rebalance your life with a body of knowledge that had hitherto not disturbed the simplicity of your worldview; it is Blake’s Songs of Innocence, Songs of Experience: it’s easier to remain ignorant and innocent, but life is just not as full.
So — now I have to measure into the mix that is my personhood and my soul an understanding of the complex interconnections among Jewish people, zionists, Israel, US foreign policy, US domestic politics, economics, Jewish people who are really hateful (Kristol comes to mind), nonJewish people who are hateful in the same way (Patrick Clawson in that role) — darn you Jews, you are forcing me to grow up and recognize that the world is a complicated place.
I listened to Bernie Sanders on C Span yesterday. I like him. He’s a good man.
It takes a long time to outgrow the myths our educational systems and its tools give us
while we are essentially blank slates.
Not a bad summary Psycopathic God – it’s sort of a process – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Acceptance of what though: That there are folks that push their agenda real hard?
So are you saying that at this point you consider yourself an antisemite, an agnosto-semite (indifferent), anti-zionist, or just a goy aware of ‘reality’ ? Want to pick? It is a free country, so you don’t have to – yet.
Ah, been reading Kubler-Ross “On Death and Dying” JS? I have that book with me. I used it while I cared for dying parents and now use it to chip away at my ego, sort of an ongoing spiritual tool.
Why not see that PG is seeking truth and the best response to it? Neither anti-semites or racist jews have a monopoly on reality.
Oh I do see that he is a seeker. As I empathize fairly closely I was curious about how he might classify himself. I don’t consider myself an anti-semite, but I’ve had to develop thicker skin about being called one as I have chosen to pursue the truth about the ME and IP regardless of where it leads. Thank God for Mearsheimer and Walt
I think Phils un-named wife was just yanking his chain. Those Gentile girls will do that, now and then, but nothing gets ‘em back into line like a royal joust with the ol’ schvantz. YMMV.
I used to worry about anti-Semitism (In fact, I was subject to the exact same treatment that drove Witty’s issue back to the 17th and 18th centuries. Hope he likes it there) until I learned a little something. Nothing that any Jew (well, except Leo Frank) in America has been subjected to holds a candle to the way other groups have been treated in America. And it’s stupid for any American Jew to pretend otherwise, and exposes them as ignorant.
Phil, the time to speak up was before the mohel got busy. A few questions would have revealed the truth, it’s no bed of roses being a Hebe like us.
Yeah, those Gentile girls will do that, now and then; but nothing gets them back into line line like a royal joust with the old schvantz. Just another Adam Sandler piece of tiny schlock, the best of it left on the cutting room floor.
I grew up in a very white, very small Oklahoma town, and when I went to Oklahoma City for boarding school at age 16, I was excited to meet Chinese and Indian people. I knew nothing about China or India, so I unconsciously took this sample as representative and assumed all Chinese and Indian people were attractive, wildly intelligent, and relatively wealthy. It sounds crazy now to say it, but when I found out during university that there were actually lots of poor Chinese and Indian people in the world, I was shocked and horrified.
Similarly, my first experience with Jewish people was in college, and all of them were attractive, wildly intelligent, and relatively wealthy. And open-minded and laid-back, since it was California. Walking into the Israeli border the first time, seeing a twitchy kid with a gun strapped to his back yelling at me for no reason was a rude awakening indeed. And then I went back to college and asked some Jewish friends what they thought about Palestinians, and the unbelievably racist things some of them said absolutely blew my mind.
Our conceptions of “races” are very fluid things, very much informed by our own experiences. After all my experiences, I’ve settled into a happy state of, “People are people, mostly the same with their differences shaped by their environments and subject to change with new experiences and self-reflection.” Change isn’t always easy, of course — our plastic brain means we can get out of the ruts of our conditioning, but the deeper the conditioning, the harder it is.
I look forward to a day when kids are brought up thinking of race as a no more fundamentally interesting characteristic than hair color or the state of detachment of earlobes.
Gee, from what you say it appears you were not brought up to be conscious that
white people were hated by other people simply because that is what you are. Check out how the Israeli kids are being brought up in Defamation. You really should since your tax dollars, at the very least, are paying for this indoctrination.
I was raised, in many ways, blissfully ignorant. In fact, the only thing I can remember my mom saying on the subject was when we were watching a Holocaust documentary and she said, “I’m sorry you have to grow up in a world where these things happen.” It certainly never occurred to me that anyone might hate me because of who I was. (So far I’ve never personally experienced this. I expected to in the Middle East, but literally not a single person gave me a hard time about being American in my three years there.)
I’m very well aware of how Israeli kids are brought up. It’s some of the most totalitarian and terrifying brainwashing imaginable. I’ve also seen the results of that brainwashing — some of the most chilling words and actions I have ever witnessed or even heard tell of.
Yes, with my tax dollars. This is a large part of why I’ve dedicated my career to bringing justice to the situation.
What I hear of the settler children reminds me of the Midwich Cuckoos, the creation of the 1950s science fiction writer John Wyndham. They are children with strange, malevolently used powers based on their ability to think and feel as a group. As I remember they are described in very Aryan fashion, so the story seems like a satire on how what began as a bunch of deluded children became the irresistible German army of 1940. But totally shared thinking is not dangerous for one race only.
To say the least. Time to shed the one note Aryan model. I guess that’s why
we just were gifted Dirty Rotten Basterds, or whatever that revenge fantasy
is named.
So, you’ve led a sheltered life. Kudos to you and your parents for not therefore being insensitive; instead you are quite sensitive; this means you are morally courageous. You’re a good person, Pamela Olson. I agree with your mission.
Here’s a general question: What anti-semite could make up a tale such as Madoff’s? And if they did, would they call it Swindler’s List? Imagine Shakespeare writing a play based on Madoff. Why does Cohen’s Fire Sale resonate from the time of silent films up to now? Bernays taught Goebbels that effective marketing
included a bit of truth blended in with propaganda. It’s symbiotic. People took to smoking because of all those long-legged shiksas smoking in the early 20th Century parade; now if you light up in lots of public places, you’re seen as a leper.
Does you opinion merely reflect your clan? Where did you get your opinion from?
Birth Of A Nation? Triumph Of The Will? Exodus? John Wayne movies? Jane Fonda movies? I don’t mean to be glib, but most Americans’ views on American foreign policy
are derived from Hollywood movies and MSM TV news. That’s “news” as slanted entertainment.
“People took to smoking because of all those long-legged shiksas smoking in the early 20th Century parade; “
I didn’t know shicksa was Yiddish for “suffragette”! Live and learn.
I see you’re not a student of Bernays as Goebbels was.
I liked your post, Pamela Olson.