My Israeli Zionist education is hard to shake off, even after years of pro-Palestine activism. One aspect that was easy for me to miss, until recently, is the underlying feeling of being a new, proud Jew in relation to diasporic American Jews and their tiresome complexes. Get over it already! Speak out loudly against the occupation, instead of whining on about your fears. Be proud of who you are, and tough - just like me!
Over the weekend Haaretz carried an interview with feminist psychologist Carol Gilligan. According to her research, “in childhood [girls] have an autonomous voice and are far more aware of that voice than boys are, whereas in adolescence they are more aware of their body and their voice starts to stammer. The older they get, the more I hear 'I don't know.' They forgo their voice and choose relationships in order to be accepted and loved."
Gilligan doesn’t talk about Palestine, but the interview is entitled “raise your voice” - which is probably pro-Palestine activists’ central message to American Jewry. In doing this work I’m coming to realize that our primary challenge may not be the vocal right-wingers, but reaching those who “don’t know,” those who have lost their voice. This has happened to many women, many less educated Jews, many younger people who are told they are too naïve, and to all those who’ve heard that by virtue of being American Jews, not having experienced life in Israel/Palestine, they can never know what it’s like – what I call the Israeli Experience Mystique.
I used to think these messages came from the establishment, big organizations like AIPAC. But the trenches run deep within families. The vicious criticisms people receive for speaking out can come from their parents or their closest neighbors. Behind all the talk of a-political dialogue there is genuine terror of taking a stand, which will lead to being attacked and isolated. We have so many dedicated queer activists in our ranks because they have often survived this nastiness when they came out, and they are no longer afraid.
The cure for ‘not knowing’ is more than exposing people to the facts. It requires building very powerful networks that can help people withstand personal attacks from those closest to them. And to build them we must reach out to Palestinians. Being a student, and having close friends in academia who are women, I don’t feel discrimination against them is something that is going to benefit me as a man – I don’t think of myself as sharing interests with sexist professors who want to keep the other gender in its place. Similarly, the more Palestinian friends and colleagues I have, the less I feel ending the occupation or implementing the right of return is an issue of “our” interests vs. “theirs. “We” now includes my closest friends, the people I hope to live with in the mixed neighborhoods we will have all over Israel/Palestine - after apartheid ends.
Phil’s title doesn’t exactly reflect the tone I was trying to set here, which wasn’t about making such blunt demands.
So you don’t like making blunt demands when the circumstances call for that?
yes, but the question is if blunt demands are the best way of approaching people who aren’t confident enough to state their opinions publicly, for all the reasons I mentioned. I would make blunt demands from officials or CEOs or AIPAC supporters, but we shouldn’t only be focusing on the loudest usual suspects. I’m not saying we shouldn’t hold people accountable or stop pushing them out of their comfort zone – just wondering what the best way of doing that is.
Mmmmm, what’s the best way to help a friend or relative who is a druggy or alcoholic?
I think we can make some finer distinctions between different kinds of Zionists. Someone could be closeted critic, I know a few of those. The way to approach a closeted gay person isn’t necessarily to tell him/her “let’s face it, turns out you’re gay, get over it already! just go ahead and tell people.”
The vocal Netanyahu supporter who is making wildly ignorant statements with absurd confidence isn’t the same as the woman who “doesn’t know,” who in private conversations turns out to know much more than she admits but isn’t taking any action. What’s the best way to help her?
Your title says it all.
Just remember, kids, an inheritance is a gift, not an obligation or a certainty.
Some really good stuff in this post. I recently attended a meeting of young Jews in the Chicago area in the early stages of their… disenchantment (?) with Israeli politics and it really felt like a group coming-out/therapy session to me, who is slightly.. further along in the process. While I tried explaining that once you do “come out” to your family about this issue- you realize that the Palestinian struggle for everyday freedoms eclipses your own personal conflicts by such extremes that you feel slightly ashamed you ever worried about such an issue to begin with. At the same time, talking to people who honestly believe their families will disown them if they chose J-Street over AIPAC is scary and painful too.
… once you do “come out” to your family about this issue- you realize that the Palestinian struggle for everyday freedoms eclipses your own personal conflicts by such extremes that you feel slightly ashamed you ever worried about such an issue to begin with. At the same time, talking to people who honestly believe their families will disown them if they chose J-Street over AIPAC is scary and painful too.
I can empathize with both of these conflicting emotions. As a young college student in Texas in 1960, I “came out” to my somewhat racist family, becoming an activist in the fight to desegregate public and quasi-public facilities in Houston. To this day, I am regarded (lovingly) as a black sheep by my family, in spite of the fact that they now regard desegregation as a necessary if not good thing.
I had encountered the same kind of fear of familial distancing a couple of years earlier when I renounced the fundamentalist Christian religion upon which I had been spoon-fed since childhood.
So yes, there are larger things in life than one’s familiar comfort zone – than the false sense of security that may derive from not being true to oneself and one’s own convictions. For any person of conscience, there is a heavy price to be paid for not acting on one’s convictions.
I do empathize with young Jewish Americans who must choose between going along with their families and tribal communities, or resisting the evils of Zionism. I know that must be hard. For Israeli Jews I suppose it must be even harder,
Will something like this approach work? link to break.com
everyone should listen to that.
“whereas in adolescence they are more aware of their body and their voice starts to stammer. ‘”
Oh, that happened to me too, in adolescence when I became more aware of their bodies. And further developments left me practically mute, except for sobbing, of course.
lol!!
Good post, Tom. And right on the money. It’s really about overcoming the fear of “not belonging”. Which may be why those who did not belong for a long time, like gay people, are often the bravest. As you say:
“We have so many dedicated queer activists in our ranks because they have often survived this nastiness when they came out, and they are no longer afraid.”
I often noticed how many in the forefront of the Left happen to be gay. Including some of the ones most openly critical of the establishment, the ones willing to put themselves “out there”, braving the minefields ( 3 people come immediately to mind). I think when one has already accepted living without middle-of-the-road society’s acceptance, it’s easier to take on other actions at odds with the establishment – and with one’s own circle of family and friends.
Braving conflict is a hard thing to do, especially with, say parents and relatives. But as you also said, such hesitations and fears pale compared with the magnitude of the injustice inflicted upon palestinians. This is a chance for many to do right in their lives, even if in relatively small ways, and the heck with a few little conflicts. Besides, for every friend lost, there are 2 others to be found.
I hope many more young people like you find the courage to take the opportunity to educate – by example. We never know what seeds planted will grow. And beside we need every one we can draft to face the coming calamity, if only to cushion the blows to our joint humanity.
Ilan Pappe on kicking the zionist habit:
link to vodpod.com
the relevant bit is in the last 5 minutes, but of course whole thing is well worth the time.
My machine has just hiccoughed lurched and chugged its way thru that link, which is otherwise excellent. Pappe is great. I think even Witty could understand the reasoning and sentiment. He should have a watch of it!
Well, all I remember from discourse with feminists is the same silencing effect one might experience discussing the Israeli occupation with the likes of Abraham Foxman. They want you to speak up, all right, especially if you are female, but God help you if you say something that goes against their cherished principles and convictions. It always struck me that they forged a culture of political correctness more stifling than any outright dictatorship could produce. Liberation always poses the danger of moving from one mental trap into another, just to stay on the safe side.
“It always struck me that they forged a culture of political correctness more stifling than any outright dictatorship could produce.”
I know how you feel, antidote, plenty of feminists have struck me, too.
re: a better world
where one equals one
& all inclusive
with no left outs nor have nots
will the zionist entity israel still exist?
and palestine?
yes or no
This kind of discussion about internal discipline within the Jewish community, and its contribution to maintaining apartheid, cannot ignore Gilad Atzmon. It would be interesting to hear what the author thinks about his views. http://www.gilad.co.uk
I don’t want to link to any of his “writings,” but Gilad Atzmon has written that he doesn’t understand why Jews in concentration camps didn’t wait for the Red Army to liberate them and instead “escaped” with the Nazis. My aunt did exactly what he claims didn’t happen – she, and many others, were liberated from the concentration camps and certainly didn’t see the Nazis as their protectors. Nowadays it is hard to find more blatant examples of Holocaust denial. This man, who is busy advertising the work of other deniers, should be shunned from any progressive political movement.