Louis Frankenthaler, a doctoral student and human rights worker in Jerusalem, came up with a press release for the Israeli legislature’s passage of a law sharply limiting boycott advocacy.
Knesset Officially Decides to Boycott Democracy
Knesset Announces Establishment of Charter For the Rights of the Occupation
In its 11 July 2011 vote to enact the “boycott law” the Knesset officially announced its own boycott of democracy. Furthermore, this vote officially marks the Knesset’s, with the support of the Israeli Government and its many ministers, enactment of an official legislative charter granting to the settlements and to being a settler the status of a human right. Opposition to this policy, the Knesset has declared, is subject to draconian punishment.
And having taken that liberty, Frankenthaler imagines the next press release:
Suggested Press Release from Israel’s Knesset
The Israeli Knesset with the Passage of a new Law to Protect Israeli entities from anti-Israel boycott activity announces a legislative agenda to draft and implement a charter in support of Israeli Presence in the Yehuda and Shomron (Y&S) District.
Opposition to said policy is subject to punishment as adopted by law
The “Boycott” Law: With this law the Knesset hereby announces that opposition to the Israeli position and possession of Y&S is subject to legal sanctions.
Knesset Legislative Agenda: The Knesset further notes that its legislative agenda is to provide for the recognition of a special category of protected acts and persons under Israeli law. From this time forward the Y&S district will enjoy special protection under Israeli Law. Its Jewish and Israeli residents will be endowed with a super citizenship category privileging them both in the aforementioned district and elsewhere in the Land of Israel.
Protection of Y&S: The Knesset recognizes that Y&S is an official part of the Land of Israel and thus entitled to all legal protection by the State of Israel.
Residents of the Y&S district will enjoy immunity from prosecution for any and all actions taken in support of their residence in the district. Their ability to build on said land will not be infringed.
“Human Rights and International Law”: The State of Israel hereby recognizes international humanitarian and human rights law as applicable only to said residents of Y&S who are Israeli citizens. It also agrees to legally protect other residents of this district to the extent that such protection does not infringe upon the rights of Israeli citizen residents of Y&S to their entitlements to settle and control in this district. (Clarification for the International Community: from this point forward being a “settler” is a human right and all other “human rights and international humanitarian law” applications to “Palestinian” residents of Y&S are not recognized as rights, though Israel reserves to itself the option of applying said legal standards to said “Palestinian” Persons.)
Opposition to Above Decision: The State of Israel hereby rejects all opposition to its protection of the territory and Israeli citizen residents of the Y&S district. Israel hereby directs that domestic opposition to such policy will constitute a civil and criminal offense. The State of Israel further directs that all persons or associations who oppose or support said opposition will face sanctions and all funding for activities opposition activities will be subject to appropriate tax rates and foreign funding for said activities will have to comply with said principles in support of Y&S and its Israeli residents.
