According to the New York Times, the recent passage of North Carolina’s anti-LGBTQ law has jeopardized the flow of billions of dollars in federal aid. Now there’s even worse news: Springsteen is canceling his Greensboro concert because the state denies “human rights of all of our citizens.” According to the Boss, a meaningful expression of “solidarity” with the “freedom fighters” who struggle for universal equality is “more important than a rock show.”
No doubt many North Carolinians are having second thoughts about openly discriminating against the gay and trans communities. There probably is growing sentiment for repeal. If Tar Heels are hoping to save themselves from financial ruin and a dreary, Bruce-less existence, this thinking is entirely wrong-headed.
My advice to North Carolina: Instead of reversing course, you should double-down, or perhaps hundred-fold or thousand-fold down. Enact even far more discriminatory legislation.
For example, while the politically-correct crowd in Washington has made gay marriage legal, you still can prohibit same-sex couples from living within your borders if one spouse is not an authentic Tar Heel.
Make it official state policy to strongly favor straight people in housing, education, employment, and every other public sphere.
Openly declare yourself a “heterosexual state.” Even change your flag to something representative of your values – a “straight” line perhaps?
We’re not finished yet. Invade South Carolina. Formally annex major parts of the state, declaring them to be an eternal and indivisible part of North Carolina. Move your citizens to the South in the hundreds of thousands to reclaim their historical rights.
Rule over the non-annexed areas as well, but preserve the fiction that your conquest is not complete and permanent. Treat any South Carolinian who dares to resist the NC National Guard as a “terrorist” subject to summary execution.
Demolish the family homes of all declared South Carolina “terrorists.”
Teach southerners the futility of resistance by occasionally destroying entire residential communities, but always express shock that there were civilian residents residing in their residences and blame the “terrorists” for making you reluctantly act.
Have your politicians refer to such mass killings as mere “mowing the lawn.”
I know what you’re thinking. I can hear you saying: “Where’s the logic in this? We dip our toes into discriminatory waters and are threatened with drowning, but you tell us to dive in head first and we’ll be rewarded with billions in aid and an E Street visit.”
My answer: don’t worry about “logic.” It’s an overrated and utterly useless notion. Just trust me. This will work. Your billions will continue to flow, courtesy of the overwhelming bipartisan sentiment of a fawning Congress. And best of all, you’ll be treated to a most meaningful rendition of “Born in the USA”!
Instruct your medics to refuse to treat a Gay person —oh hell , why not just shoot them.You can always claim the LGBT terrorist had a suicide vest full of books extolling the virtues of “anti heterosexualism” and was reaching in to take one out and start reading it out loud.
“…According to the Boss, a meaningful expression of “solidarity” with the “freedom fighters” who struggle for universal equality is “more important than a rock show. …”
You bet!
Advice to Bruce Springsteen:
Don’t play TA. They execute “freedom fighters”.
I’m sure his home state (New Jersy?) will soon pass appropriate legislation, making it illegal for him not to play Greensboro — say something prohibiting “engaging in actions that are politically motivated and are intended to penalize, inflict economic harm on, or otherwise limit commercial relations with the State of North Carolina or companies based in the State of North Carolina or in territories controlled by the State of North Carolina.”
Other states will surely follow suit, and Le Boss had better watch his step on any future French tours. They really hate boycotts there, and Caroline de Nord is always in their hearts.
Great piece, DS.
Electronic Intifada had a similarly satiric post by Salaita.
https://electronicintifada.net/blogs/steven-salaita/bruce-springsteen-please-play-north-carolina
I was genuinely shocked by how many people didn’t get it. I think that that shows the danger of the plausible resonance of Israeli propaganda.
Given the ubiquitous-ness of that propaganda, people seem to accept the logic rather than laugh at it. I think that’s the larger point of all this. Your article here and Salaita’s sharply counter the acceptability of the Israeli logic environment we seem to find ourselves within.
Well done. Thanks. And at the risk if being repetitive, double thanks because you all have shown just how total the buy-in is to manipulative, fake Israeli logic posed as normal thought processes.
Predictable. A great parody of Iran’s approach to international relations.