Reporter Tareq Hajjaj reflects back on the harrowing last few weeks in Gaza where he twice fled his home to escape Israeli attacks, and reveals the trauma of reporters who cover wars that they are also trying to survive.

To the world the aggression in Gaza ended once there was a ceasefire. But what the people outside Gaza may not know is that we are living a daily war now, an inner war, as we fight the guilt of surviving and are lost in our attempts to return to normal.

On Friday morning, as the dust settled and a sense of calm blanketed the streets of Gaza City, which just hours prior were filled with thousands of people celebrating the ceasefire, Mahmoud al-Qawlaq mustered the courage to return to his neighborhood. “When I stand here and look at what’s in front of me, all I see is loss,” al-Qawlaq tells Mondoweiss. “The loss of my family members, my loved ones, my home, and the loss of my dreams.”

It is not a coincidence that Israel decided to remind us of its original sin, namely, the Nakba, by celebrating its “independence” in Sheikh Jarrah and Gaza. By committing the Wehda Street massacre, it has taken the so-called “conflict” to its origin.