Check out Carlo Strenger’s hilarious ditty today in Haaretz on Israel’s “glorious government by chaos”:
It is my great honor to explain [Israel’s contradictory foreign policy positions] in the tradition of my master teacher, and one of the greatest specialists in explaining the complex dynamics of special countries and revolutionary policies: Borat Sagdiyeff….
In Israel there are, among others, the following positions:
a) There should be two states west of the Jordan: one the homeland of the Jews and one Palestinian.
b) There should be one state west of the Jordan, and it’s up for grabs whether only Jews should have political rights, or whether Palestinians should have equal rights.
c) There should be two states west of the Jordan, and in the Jewish state there should be only Jews, and all Arabs should live in Palestine. Glorious Foreign Minister Yvet [Avigdor Lieberman] (may he soon be uncontested president and leader of Israel) has formulated this idea, and wants everybody in Israel to take an oath of loyalty to his great concept.
d) There shouldn’t be a democracy at all, and Orthodox rabbis should determine the laws of the kingdom of Judea
It would be grossly unfair if one of these positions was to prevail, and all other ones would have to give in. So Israel has developed a new method, in which all views are equally represented.
a) Glorious Prime Minister Bibi negotiates with the Palestinians on the principle that there should be two states west of the Jordan River.
b) At the same time, Israel builds settlements as if there should be only one state west of the Jordan River and the government allows disowning Palestinian property.
c) Glorious Foreign Minister Yvet announces at the UN that there will be no final status agreement with the Palestinians in the foreseeable future, and that there will be no more Arabs in Israel, which will be an ethnocracy.
d) In large areas of Israel, children are only taught Jewish subjects, and these areas are de facto run by Rabbinic law. In addition Jews in Israel can only get married by an Orthodox rabbi.
This is a truly wonderful system, in which most groups genuinely feel that they are running the country. I suggest that Israel’s Ministry of Public Diplomacy, which is showing enormous creativity lately in explaining Israel, should offer courses for aspiring politicians from around the world on Israel’s glorious new method of governing.
P.S. – Looks like Bradley Burston’s come around to supporting the boycott of settlement/colony Ariel. When will he support full fledged BDS? Here’s where he was on Berkeley’s divestment bill. Wonder what he’d say about the Berkeley divestment if it comes up again.
