It’s no wonder all superheroes are Americans. Americans know how to get things done, always ready to spring into action to save the day.
Joe Biden has been the President of America for almost two years now and this superhero ruling the land of dreams just paid a visit to the land of nonstop wars.
Palestine has basically been jinxed since from time immemorial. Israel, on the other hand, is a newly established and powerful–if shaky and at times unstable–country. Joe the superhero flew 9,497 kilometers (5,901.162 miles in American) to talk to the Israeli government.
We’re not entirely sure about what. The security and safety of Israel and its citizens is our best bet. He probably also said a few words about peace.
More importantly, though: he’s going to loosen the leash for us Palestinians. This is a very exciting development.
Many Palestinians had high hopes for this visit. Some thought that the plight of Palestinian prisoners would be addressed. Others hoped there would be improvements to freedom of movement between Palestinian ghettos cities. Perhaps even more ambitiously, some had the funny notion that once Joe saw the separation wall, he would tear it down himself. Economists predicted a slight improvement in the stagnant Palestinian economy, and politicians generally had their fingers crossed that Joe would deliver the Palestinians from their misery.
No need to talk about the people in Gaza. We didn’t have high hopes.
You see, Palestine is living in its own timeline–sometime before 2009, because that’s the date that the United States started using 4G service. So far, we only have access to the 3G mobile service.
In the face of all these expectations, Joe, whose deep familiarity with the whole Palestinian-Israeli situation surpasses that of most Arab presidents, had a better idea. The key to a happy Palestinian was a connected Palestinian–to 4G, to be exact.
Many sacrifices have been made to get us to this point. Mothers have lost their children, sons and daughters are languishing in Israeli occupation prisons, and many more Palestinians are lining up to participate in the cause and to make their own sacrifices. These efforts did not go unnoticed by the American President, and now he’s going to reward Palestinians’ efforts with access to 4G.
To call us lucky would be an understatement.
You see, Palestine is living in its own timeline–sometime before 2009, because that’s the date that the United States started using 4G service. So far, we only have access to the 3G mobile service (a gift from Superhero Obama).
Israel, according to the Oslo agreement, has the right to control the Palestinian communications sector, and has benefited from that convenient arrangement handsomely. While the whole world was introduced to the new 3G mobile service, Israel was already enjoying it in 2006, but it felt Palestinians weren’t quite ready for it until 2015. Sure, we got 3G nine years too late, by which time it had already become outdated, but it was a milestone all the same, giving us a taste of what modern civilization has to offer.
Israel has been using 4G since 2014, so if there’s a pattern here, then we’re on track to get another taste of modernity in 2023.
In Gaza, people aren’t so familiar with American superheroes, so they didn’t really care about the historic visit–so long as there’s no war on the horizon.
I know, shame on us. But the truth is, brothers and sisters in humanity, we Gazans are basically over it. Decades of empty promises will do that. For 74 years, we’ve focused on somewhat more frivolous priorities, such as getting our lands back, seeing our ancestral capital of Jerusalem, or seeing our brothers and sisters set free from Israeli prisons. But enough about Gaza.
Mr. President, the 4G sounds terrific. It will allow me to see Jerusalem in full HD, and I’ll be able to watch more livestreams and download more pictures from places I’ll never go to. Maybe Palestinian mothers calling their kids in prison can now switch to video chat.
It’s sad that we’ve had our loftier expectations repeatedly dashed. Maybe we should have managed our hopes from the start, since high expectations are bad for the heart.
Or maybe, just maybe, Palestinians should stop hanging their hopes on others or seek answers to their problems away from home. Maybe we should organize ourselves and tell Joe he’s not welcome here. Superheroes are overrated anyway.
In march 2021 Joe Biden chided the English re their centuries long occupation and brutal treatment of the Irish People .He is motivated by his Irish heritage, of which he regularly reminds us.
Sadly Mr Biden cannot seem to find sympathy for the People of Palestine lest he step on the toes of his zionist paymasters.
As an Irish person I find his hypocrisy nauseating .
Thank you! Sad but oh so true. What is truly pathetic is that Biden will read this and, not realizing it’s a satire, say “see, the Palestinians also think I’m great!”
Nablus 1988, soldiers were firing live ammunition at young boys throwing rocks. When it subsided, I said to one of the soldiers, “What are you doing shooting at kids?”
“Look”, he said, “We can’t afford to give them what is rightfully theirs until they learn how to take it.”
I sam curious, if 3G is unavailable for consumers here in “western” nations mainly because it is no longer supported. Will upgrading Gaza and West Bank to 4G simply be techincally easier to monitor them? I would be expensive for them to remain at 3G and require a separate i.t. ability for the West to track, monitor and keep tabs on Palestine. Me thinks Biden gave nothing but photo op like Saltzman did installing photo finish cameras in East Portland where the poor live and can barely afford car insurance. Now poor palestinians will have upgrade thier phones as if they can afford them under a blockade.