The fact that four Republicans presidential possibilities went out to kiss Sheldon Adelson’s ring in Vegas for financial backing was just too delicious for Andy Borowitz, who does news satire for the New Yorker.
The casino billionaire and Republican kingmaker Sheldon Adelson met several 2016 G.O.P. candidates available for purchase over the weekend, but decided to buy none of them, Adelson confirmed today.
The satire goes on for five paragraphs or so–Adelson “purchased both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney in 2012”– with a couple of casino mentions, but no mention of Adelson’s primary concern, Israel. On whose behalf he lately urged Obama to nuke Iran.
The piece states inaccurately that Rand Paul was there seeking Adelson’s approval. (“After hearing speeches by Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, and several others who were for sale, Mr. Adelson concluded that none of them are worth owning.”) But that’s wrong. Paul wasn’t there. He is not an Israel suckup. And that worries people.
As for the satire, is nothing sacred? Yes, actually, something is sacred. (Imagine if the gun lobby were buying candidates, or an anti-abortion billionaire.)
H/t Dan Sisken.
Update: I got in the Rand Paul point after Annie Robbins made it in comments. Where are those legendary New Yorker factcheckers?
Andy Borowitz is such a fearless intellectual gadfly — not. (But he can sometimes be funny — I was following him on Twitter before the New Yorker picked him up.)
Most of the mainstream media are going out their way not to mention the elephant in the room with regard to Adelson — Israel — which of course makes them look ridiculous and craven.
how weird. Borowitz:
http://time.com/43216/rand-paul-2016-rjc-sheldon-adelson/ :GOP Hawks Worry Rand Paul Has Too Much Ron
http://www.cleveland.com/open/index.ssf/2014/03/sheldon_adelson_and_john_kasic.html
rand wasn’t in las vegas. satire is loverly, but it should be based on reality.
Huckabee wasn’t there either but he recently picked up an award named after Adelson for being such a staunch supporter of Israel. Rand said he had personal business he couldn’t put off to go to LV.
Going anywhere near Zionism is toxic for media careers. For the moment.
Chris Christie’s recent political troubles grew last Saturday when he used the term “occupied territories” in the presence of Sheldon Adelson. But according to a source close to the casino magnate, the New Jersey Governor, in apologizing to Mr. Adelson, explained that he meant to say “transportation”, not “occupation”, and was referring to his new Middle East peace plan.
Mr. Christie went on to detail his proposal to tie up bridges and roads in the West Bank with lane closures, thereby keeping residents from “making trouble”. “They’ll be so busy stewing in traffic”, he reportedly told Mr. Adelson, “that those Palestinians won’t even notice all the new settlements that Bibi is building.”
Unfortunately for the Governor, his streak of bad luck continued when he immediately had to issue another apology to the Republican kingmaker for using the term “Palestinians”.